Author’s Note: These talks between the Iranian and Chinese Foreign Ministers have not yet taken place, but they may before our 2020 election.


China: Have you seen what those bozos in the USA are doing? It would be funny, if it weren’t so pitiful, how their so-called democracy has fallen in just 2 1/2 short years.

Iran: Yes, amazing isn’t it? Two out of the last three Presidents have been elected while losing the popular vote. It’s now a Republic controlled by corporations and their campaign money, reinforced by an extremist, elitist Supreme Court. And, they say we have problems.

China: I feel like we are witnessing the fall of the Roman Empire, destroyed from within.

Iran: Yes, they are so divided that they cannot see the truth and then do something about it.

China: Russia contacted the Trump campaign back in 2015. Donnie, Jr. was enthusiastic about getting their help. And, you know good and well that Donnie Sr. knew what was going on from the start and then heard about what went on right afterwards from his kid. And the Special Council found out all about it but was too out-of-touch with reality to charge either one of them.

Iran: Of course. You would have to be a fool to think that Senior just let Junior do it on his own. And Meuller just isn’t the man he once was, or they both would have been indicted. On the other hand, Barr did everything he could to hinder him, helped by the DOJ putting the President above the law and saying he is “unindictable.” Democracy my eye, more like fascism.

China: And, those hearings, what a bad joke.

Iran: I think it was hilarious how every single Republican House member just criticized the investigation but totally ignored the clear facts about Russian interference in their 2016 election, even after Mueller told them the Russians were at work hacking elections “as we sit here.”

China: Absolutely. It was completely clear that they cared nothing about the facts or traitors. They are just afraid that Trump will campaign against them in their GOP primary and they will get kicked out of office. They would defend him if he shot the Pope on TV.

Iran: And, what about Mueller? The Republicans acted like this Marine/ FBI guy was a left-wing socialist trying to bring down the nation. They know darn well that he’s a conservative Republican, and so were his bosses Rosenstein and Sessions.

China: Mueller documented a whole series of other contacts between the campaign and the Russians. There was clear collusion, just look at the number of contacts with the Russians. Plus, Trump tried to get witnesses to stay silent. But, because Trump and his buddies stonewalled the investigators, Mueller felt he couldn’t get enough to indict for conspiracy, a strange USA legal term. And, Mueller documented 10 instances when Trump and his followers obstructed justice, but Trump’s boy Barr and his personal Justice Department forced Mueller not to indict.

Iran: Exactly. Trump, guilty as hell, refused for a year to meet with Mueller and answer questions. Instead, his lawyers just submitted written answers where it helped them. And then refused to answer any questions which would have proven conspiracy. Those lawyers really are sharks, and that Barr is a hoot. He put blinders on and told the public that he didn’t see anything and never even gave the investigating Congressmen the unredacted report.

China: Well, more importantly for us, since then Moscow Mitch has stopped three pieces of bi-partisan legislation to block election interference from happening again. That’s really why I called you, to coordinate our efforts.

Iran: Yes, I understand. I find it hard to believe that Moscow Mitch would be dumb enough to believe that Russia is the only one with cyber capabilities. Trump has been a pain for both of us with sanctions and tariffs. It’s time to give him a taste of his own medicine.

China: Right, it doesn’t matter which Democrat runs, we will be hacking into computer systems in key swing states like Michigan, Ohio, and Florida to elect Trump’s opposition. After all, it’s easy given that the archaic Electoral College really chooses the next President.

Iran: I wonder how the GOP will react then? Will they want impeachment of the new President, even after they refused to look at the evidence against Trump?

China: I guess the Democrats can just say it’s a “witch hunt,” repeat it constantly and stonewall just like the GOP did. Democracy my eye.


Editor’s Note: This story first appeared in the Fayette News. This is a work of satire, which is infrequently accepted by established writers. From Oxford Dictionaries: sat·ire /ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/ noun: the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues. Synonyms: mockery, ridicule, derision, scorn, caricature, irony, sarcasm.

Image Credit: the feature photo of Mohammad Javad Zarif foreign minister of Iran and Wang Yi foreign minister of China courtesy of the Embassy of the People's Republic of China (official photo – assumed to be public domain as their is no other specific photo attribution).

Jack Bernard

Jack Bernard

Jack A Bernard is a retired SVP with a national healthcare corporation. He was Chair of the Jasper County, Ga Board of Commissioners and Republican Party. He was also on the Board of Health for Jasper County and is currently on the Fayette County BOH. Bernard has over 100 columns published annually, primarily in the South.