Melania and I have never been very close. I mean, I really liked her pictures in GQ and the NY Daily News. Her skimpy outfits are quite appealing. But we were never formally introduced and never really spoke. But recently all that changed.

Melania reached out to me via a personal letter because she states that Donald and I are “friends.” She even sent me a check for $45. All I had to do was send her one back. She “urged” me to send “$5,000 or more.” What?

I looked hard at her correspondence to determine where in Nigeria I was to send the money and if a Prince was involved. Surprisingly, I was asked to send the funds to the Republican National Committee (RNC) right here in the good old USA.

Melania told me why it was urgent that I send the money: “to prevent that travesty” (i.e. “Socialist programs” by the Democrats). But I have some real questions about her letter before I do. Here are her statements about her “Donald” (as she calls him in her letter) and the situation as she sees it, along with my questions:

Melania: Donald’s “resolving the issues facing our nation” and “accomplished so much.”

My Question: Which issues are resolved? It certainly seems like we have the same domestic and foreign problems we had before he arrived in DC… and then some. The Middle East is an even worse mess with Iran back to building a nuclear bomb. China is still eating our lunch economically. Korea hasn’t disarmed. Our infrastructure is falling apart. Social Security and Medicare are running out of money. The military budget goes up every year, as does the national debt which has reached record levels under this administration. Despite Donald’s rhetoric, there are even more illegal immigrants than prior years.

Plus, now we have Nazis marching in our cities and hate crimes are up dramatically. And, both parties have increased their name calling rather than working together (the only exception being that they have agreed to spend money we don’t have).

Melania: “unnecessary government regulations are eliminated”

My Question: Do you mean the regulations on the fossil fuels that are polluting our air and water? Or are you referring to the fuel efficiency standards that were helping cars and trucks to double their miles per gallon by 2025? I know that deregulation helps your contributors like the Koch brothers, but how does that help my grandkids with asthma and the increasing number of people with COPD and cancer caused by pollution?

Melania: “the mainstream media…pursue their strategy of deception and misinformation”

My Question: Is it the media that is reporting fake news or is the administration lying to the public? The venerable Washington Post has documented that between 1-20-17 and 4-27-19 your Donald has told over 10,000 lies. There are dozens upon dozens of documented cases of Donald telling major falsehoods negatively affecting our nation both at home and internationally. We are a laughing stock among both our allies and our enemies.

Melania: If Democrats “capture total control of our government” they will “enact their Socialist programs” and “radical agenda”

My Question: Are you referring to socialist programs like increased funding for or expansion of Medicare and Social Security? Or are you referring to our public education system? The GOP has at various times described both as radical and socialist.

Melania: “our country’s military is being rebuilt” by Donald.

My Question: When did our military, the envy of the world, suddenly fall apart? Its budget is as large as the next 10 nations combined. According to the Nation (5-7-19), our total military spending is now $1.2542 trillion (including war, VA, nuclear, defense, Homeland Security and other components.) When is it enough?

Melania: contributions are needed so Donald “can withstand the non-stop brutal assaults” from “Democrats, the mainstream media, ultra-liberal special interest groups and other radical factions”

My Question: Aren’t the brutal assaults coming from Donald who said about four American Congresswomen “if they don’t like it (America), let them leave?”Isn’t Donald the one who equated Nazis with peaceful counter protestors in Charlottesville? Isn’t he the one who calls his enemies denigrating, insulting names? Obama never said Donald came from Kenya or asked to see his birth certificate and college grades.

Melania: “everything… is on the line in the upcoming elections”

Wow, Melania, I really don’t have a question about your last statement; you’re completely correct for a change. The 2020 election will determine if we will continue to move toward our own unique form of home-grown populist fascism… or if the American public will come to its senses and vote out a budding dictator who doesn’t believe in democracy or American values.

Editor's Note: This is a work of satire, which is infrequently accepted by established writers. From Oxford Dictionaries: sat·ire /ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/ noun: the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues. Synonyms: mockery, ridicule, derision, scorn, caricature, irony, sarcasm. Image Credit: the caricature of Melania was created by DonkeyHotey (flickr/CC).
Jack Bernard

Jack Bernard

Jack A Bernard is a retired SVP with a national healthcare corporation. He was Chair of the Jasper County, Ga Board of Commissioners and Republican Party. He was also on the Board of Health for Jasper County and is currently on the Fayette County BOH. Bernard has over 100 columns published annually, primarily in the South.