The job networking site “LinkedUp” or “HookedIn,” or whatever-the-hell it’s called, allows you to tell the world that someone you know, think you know, or wish you knew, possesses abilities that other people, who you don’t know, should know about.
“LumpedIn” or “WhoseOutThere” is a social network that is supposed to connect you to other people in hopes of obtaining work. Well, that ship sailed, and it was decided we would all be better off just “endorsing “ each other instead. It’s sort of a really lame, cyber pat on the back.
Best I can tell LinkedIn is Facebook with the stupid removed and boring added.
As an artist, people “endorse” me because they feel sorry for me. I’m freelance, which is a euphemism for “unemployed.” I sit in my attic drawin’ pictures on blank pieces of paper and then swap them with people for items of actual value. It’s like legal counterfeiting. But I’m basically one drawing away from standing on the street corner holding a cardboard sign stating “I will work for coffee” which is not really true, because I won’t work for coffee. Subsequently, people have endorsed me on “SmashedUp” or “WhoseThere?” for all kinds of skills in the remote hope that I will obtain work. Their endorsements come in a wide variety of flavors, such as:
- Draws stuff with pencils
- Paints stuff with paint
- Draws nudie pictures (which is why you go into to art in the first place)
- Lives on Capin’ Crunch cereal
- Naps on the job
- Uses computer programs incorrectly
- Aimlessly stares off into space
- And most importantly – Knows where to get a cold beer on a hot day.
In my world, these are useful attributes and valid endorsements. Though not a single job has been forthcoming due to these glowing accolades, which of course is the whole point of “MashedUp” or “DoYouKnowMe” in the first place, isn’t it?
I’ve never heard of anyone actually getting a job through this social “Connection Rejection” network. But apparently the act of “endorsing” each other for senseless crap, not only satisfies our ego’s cravings, but has supplanted our actual need to obtain work. People are eager to endorse one another, including for skills the recipient doesn’t actually have. I too have been endorsed for abilities I don’t posses such as:
- Armed Wal-Mart greeter with serious attitude problems (I could probably grow into this one)
- Roller coaster operator
- Tuna fish canning inspector
- A few things I can’t say here
I admit, I’ve never held even one of those jobs, but the roller coaster operator probably pays double what I pull down now, so I’m “interested and motivated” if anyone out there is listening.
If you are unemployed and the more endorsements you have, the better your chances of connecting with other unemployed persons who want to connect with your unemployed connections and take the job you’re trying to connect with. In the end you’ll be connected to 5, 400 unconnected unemployed strangers you have no intention of ever connecting with, and no job.
But the “endorsing” part is lots of fun. I’m not bragging, but I’ve been “endorsed” … several times in the same evening, but let’s not name names.
There are many unappreciated art skills that I feel that I could be legitimately endorsed for. Such as:
- Creative line painting on highways and surface roads (though accidents may occur)
- Realistic abstract painting
- Drawing a bath … in ink
- Painting by numbers using only a single numeral
- Mixes a tasty Rococo
Now most people find “LinkedUp” or “WhoBeAskin’” a complete waste of time; though if it wasn’t for “HookedUp” I would have hundreds of hours of free time to fill. And “filling my time” sounds an awful lot like work. So, rather than expend legitimate effort, I spend most of the day endorsing people … mostly people I don’t know. Think of “HookedUp” as the modern equivalent of the crank phone call. Here are a few examples of the types of endorsements that you can make which will encourage others to endorse you back, or result in a lawsuit.
- Poor grasp of irony – believes in god and science
- House is not paid for and car is leased
- Cheats at Yahtzee
- Tax dodge
- Wanted in Minnesota
- Former priest and ex Boy Scout Leader
- Follows simple directions but is distracted easily
- Runs with scissors
- Has early onset stupidity
- Good copywriter but types with a lisp
It’s nice to know that the internet has succeeded in bringing us all much closer together for absolutely no reason whatsoever.