Southern Views

From tomorrow forward, we are going to run this government like a business. This will mean new accountability and responsibility at all levels. Here are the highlights:

Profitability will be the single most important measure of what we do. To that end, and in order to finance our ongoing endeavors, we will change our structure from a “tax and spend” model to an “invest and profit” model. Shares in our new government will go on sale shortly after this announcement at $100,000 a share.

Shareowners will receive one vote for each share owned. In the interest of fairness, residents who cannot afford to own shares will continue to have a vote, with their vote counted as 3/5ths that of true share vote, the historic American model. Shareowners can expect to receive significant tax-free dividends each year as the program is fully implemented.

To fully ensure profitability and return on investment, all government services will be provided on a pay-as-you-go basis. Our finest marketing minds are now working on pricing for these services, from roads to fire-rescue to schooling. Some highlights of our progress are reported here. None of these initiatives will be permitted to create competition with the private sector.

Public workers will be expected to purchase and maintain their own equipment; in return, they will be able to freely compete on the open market in safety and investigative services, drug interdiction, rescue and violence remediation. Our people deserve the highest safety and the best justice they can afford. Service brokers must be licensed by the state and will be self-regulating.

Our new system of corporate sponsorship for courts and judges will ensure the high standards we expect. Current government prosecutors can offset their outplacement by competing for new franchise opportunities–and customers– regionally.

Social services will not be ignored. Beginning tomorrow they will be provided on a contract-commission basis by DragonTooth® LLP of Beijing, the leading low cost provider of backroom services to international business. This will free thousands more government workers to pursue new opportunities in the private sectors of the economy.

More importantly, those citizens in need of services may directly negotiate the commissions deducted from their health, food or housing costs through a 24 hour live internet chat system with the highly respected DragonTooth customer service team. By having each recipient negotiate the cost of their program individually we are able to enjoy extremely favorable rates.

We are looking at a similar model for other sectors, and expect to implement the same as soon as DragonTooth can teach English to a few more customer service representatives. By doing business exclusively over the internet we will eliminate the usual brick and mortar costs of government services.

This will enable us to dispose of unneeded buildings and facilities, an ancillary benefit. We anticipate a boom in the private prison industry that will create a huge demand for large facilities. The new budget model of full inmate employment will finance these prisons.

All remaining government non-elective and non-appointive positions will now be filled on a 12 month bid basis. Current government workers are encouraged to develop and submit their best bid for keeping their jobs, immediately and at least 60 days in advance of contract expiration in the future. These will be IRS-1099 positions, thereby adding no benefit costs to the public burden.

We are also pleased to announce that a new “franchise” approach to public education will allow families and individuals to pay directly for all of their education. The pilot program, MacLearn, is now underway, and through their food service division, they are also able to provide 2 high calorie meals a day at very little additional cost. Students completing the MacLearn program will also have the opportunity to apprentice in the food service industry; those deemed suitable for management can earn university credits

Unfortunately, at this time, it will still be necessary to tax non-shareholders at current rates until the benefits of these new economies are in effect. However, the long term benefits should be clear to all.

Only by running our government like a business will we be able to provide the necessary services for the future we have mapped out for our citizens. You can be assured as citizen shareowners that the business of government is in your best interest, even if corporations can afford more shares than you.


Not Necessarily The GOP

Glenn Overman

Glenn Overman

Glenn Overman doesn't share much personal information not because he doesn't like or trust you personally, but because some of those people reading over your shoulder are just whacked. He's been everywhere, but he lives in NE FL and is fond of saying, "It's not the heat, it's the stupidity."

  1. Lee Leslie

    Wonderful subject ripe with ideas. Also, had me wondering about a few more – government would then be free to lobby and spend unlimited amounts on campaigns; executive compensation, differed comp, stock options, golden parachutes, more houses, already have the jet; mergers and acquisitions – some cheap countries out there to buy, plus no reason we couldn’t buy private companies; going public would present some issues since the NYSE is now owned by Deutsche Börse: couldn’t the treasury just buy it all and take it private with Bernanke controlling all stock?; what about accounting standards?; limited corporate liability/sovereign immunity; licensing – USA, America, flag, constitution, bald eagle, Uncle Sam, everything in the Smithsonian – tee shirts and action figures; … I’d best stop.

  2. Glenn Overman

    Found it interesting that many people who emailed me or commented on FB took this seriously and thought it was a good idea.

  3. “Shareowners will receive one vote for each share owned. In the interest of fairness, residents who cannot afford to own shares will continue to have a vote, with their vote counted as 3/5ths that of true share vote, the historic American model.”
    Overman, this is sheer genius! I assume you received the advert contract?

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