“Looks like you’re headed for Washington.”

“You betcha. Another victory for freedom.”

“How was your freshman orientation?”

“Gonna cut some spending.”

“Good idea.”

“Sure is. I know John thinks so.”


“The Speaker of the House. We’re tight.”


“Yep. He’s making me the chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, and I’ll have an office right next door to his.”

“That’s terrific. When did you find that out?”

“When I was in Washington with my fellow patriots and freedom-loving public servants.”

“I bet you were thrilled when the Speaker-elect told you that.”

“Well, he didn’t actually tell me. Somebody told me that if John were smart he’d put me where he could keep his eyes on me.”

“Who told you that?”

“Guy that works at the capitol. Runs the private elevator for folks like us. Smart guy. Knows everything and everybody.”

“And he told you about Ways and Means?”

“Not exactly. I just sort of figured it made sense.”

“I see. Any other big issues?”

“You bet. We gonna cut back on entrapments.”


“You know, wasteful spending on pet projects.”

“I think they’re called earmarks.”

“I don’t wear earrings. You look like a dope-smoking, anti-God, liberal.”

“Of course.”

“Wouldn’t want that.”

“Absolutely not. Have you seen a lot of prejudices in Washington?”

“Not really. Those people pretty much stay in Costa Rica.”

“I’m sorry?”

“The Prejudices. And when we tighten the immigration laws we won’t see them at all.”

“I guess immigration is a big issue.”

“It won’t be for long. Soon as we finish that wall along the Canadian border.”


“Yeah, Canada. Let me tell you a little secret: Canadians are foreigners.”


“And you know what that means?”

“I shudder to think.”

“There need to be some changes made.”

“Like the immigration laws.”

“Yeah, them, but we need to start with the Statue of Liberty.”

“The Statue of Liberty?”

“Sure. Did you know it was built by a foreigner?”

“He was French.”

“See? What does that tell you?”

“Uh ….”

“And have you ever read what he wrote on it?”

“What who wrote?”

“That foreign person. You know, “give me your tired, your poor …” We got enough tired poor people. Gotta stop inviting them in.”

“I don’t think the Frenchman wrote that. It was a lady named Emma Lazarus.”

“A woman?”


“We gotta do something about women writing poetry on statues.”

“Of course we do.”

“When I call John about my committee assignments I’ll mention the woman thing. Yep, need to do something about that.”

“By the way, what’s the new Speaker like? Nice guy?”

“I guess. I’ve never met him.”

Mark Johnson

Mark Johnson

Mark Johnson is a professional mentalist and mind reader who presents his unique and unforgettable program to conventions, college and universities, sales meetings, private parties, business and civic clubs and more. He has also appeared at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta and produces, along with Jerry Farber and Joe M. Turner, Atlanta Magic Night at the Red Light Cafe in Midtown. He is a member of the Psychic Entertainers Association, the International Brotherhood of Magicians, the Georgia Magic Club,Buckhead Rotary Club and Friends of Jim The Wonder Dog. You can learn more at www.MarkJohnsonSpeaks.com. He is the author of three books: "Living The Dream," the story of the first ten years of FedEx; "Superman, Hairspray, and the Greatest Goat On Earth," a collection of mostly true stories;, and "Yes Ma'am, You're Right: The Essential Rules For Living With A Woman."  Mark's day job is as a freelance writer and communications and marketing consultant. Mark has traveled around the world twice but has never been to Burlington, Vermont. He does not eat beets or chicken livers, and he has never read "Gone With The Wind." He is the only person he knows who was once a card-carrying member of the International Brotherhood of Ventriloquists. He is a fifth generation Atlantan,  the father of three, and the grandfather of five. All offspring are demonstrably perfect. He lives in Smyrna with his wife Rebecca (aka The Goddess) and two dogs: Ferguson, an arrogant Scottish terrier; and, Lola, a Siberian husky who is still trying to figure out what the hell she's doing in Cobb County.