All vulgar and nasty and ugly to see
Not dressed up refined in Vanity Fair
Where everyone has such impeccable hair
I like my celebrities vile and repulsive
Like Mel Gibson embracing his lower impulses
Screaming in tantrums and murderous rages
Not like his smile on People’s gloss pages
Looking at mug shots of all that was innocent
Lindsay and Britney faking at penitent
Then mocking us all with a straight middle finger
At first they’re demur but watch for their stinger
Our daily routines only seem that much smaller
When even Tom Cruise can be photographed taller
None of us helped by Photoshop’s magic
We look at ourselves and see only tragic
Even Hugh Grant, his humor sublime
Was caught in a car with a tramp named Divine
We forgave him his trespass, gave him a sermon
No one compared him to sweet Pee Wee Herman
So please do not scoff when I turn on the telly
And watch as the icons lose their blush and turn smelly
My life, so it seems, is not bloody hell
At least when compared to Lindsay’s jail cell
The news of the world is too hard to take
Oil spills, wars, and the earth set on bake
So pardon me if I just turn the station
and ignore the pundits on immigration
There’s something I heard that I’ve just got to see
a photographer was punched stalking Angelina Jolie
his nose in a bandage but the photos a hit
‘cause beside her was someone who wasn’t Brad Pitt

Billy Howard
Billy Howard is a commercial and documentary photographer with an emphasis on education and global health.
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