Sarah Palin as William ShakespeareNormal English:
Main Entry: re·pu·di·ate
Pronunciation: ri-ˈpyü-dē-ˌāt
Function: transitive verb / Inflected Form(s): re·pu·di·at·ed; re·pu·di·at·ing

Etymology: Latin from repudium rejection of a prospective spouse, divorce

1: to divorce or separate formally from (a woman)
2: to refuse to have anything to do with : disown
3 a: to refuse to accept; especially : to reject as unauthorized or as having no binding force
4: to refuse to acknowledge or pay <repudiate a debt

Sarahisan Speak:
Main Entry: re·fu·di·ate
Pronunciation: ri-ˈfyü-dē-ˌāt
Function: unknown verb / Inflected Form(s): re·fu·di·a·fied; re·fu·di·at·ion; re·fud·a·licious

Etymology: Latin refudiageous, an outrageous form of rejectifying and discomformulating the English language, the inability to gradumacate from high school.

1: to divorce or separate formally from one’s intellect
2: to eat twice – “we were so hungry we had to refoodiate.”
3: to make up shit and babble nonsense

Far be it from me to criticize Willy Shakespeare and his protégé Sarah Palin. Ol’ Billy pushed the boundaries of literature and we’re better for it. Now, thank goodness Sarah will do the same. Just as her daughter has re-defined abstinence before marriage as “I can do it, but you’re a slut”. I have misuderestimed Sarah, who has redesignafied herself into a wordsmith to add depth and feeling to our needlessly boring language.

So, I thought I would create a few new words to bring about a more worldly and insightful national conversation in America today. Their use will help to explainify things. Please feel free to use them habfitually.

Mash·ify – to blend together – “a bipartisan bill is created by mashfying earmarks together”

Rectum·fy – To fix something by removing your head from your ass

Bar·co·lepsy – When you fall asleep repeatedly while drinking

Mar·gin·atory – When something doesn’t matter too much – “facts are marginatory”

In·cur·sion – An invasive procedure performed on a sled dog by a musher

Ass·tronomy – Looking at a politician from a great distance

Ab·surd·ium – A ridiculously tedious argument

Idiotm – a style of speech or an expression used by imbeciles

Re·dup·licate – Endlessly repeating that lowering taxes more will solve the problem that you made by lowering taxes in the first place

Ex·uber·phant – A really happy elephant

Flum·durf – A very confused individual or member of the Tea Party

E·rupt·shunned – to spurn a person with bad flatulence

E·fem·eral – A girl you only know a short time

Exercise Tax – Money you have to give to the YMCA every month

Cellu·tight – When your fat ass no longer fits in your pants – See article on Spanx

Cadavering – Walking through an old folks home looking for votes

Mal·appor·tioned – When your dress or pants don’t fit right

Habeas Corpulent – The law can’t hold you because you’ve gotten too large

Ha·fit·ually – The constant throwing of hissy fits on the floor of Congress

Mala·proper·ism – Correct misuse of a word that you confused with similar sounding misused word (Sarah can explainify this better than I can)

Loo·cid – When you know exactly where the bathroom is, even while heavily intoxicated

Luci·purr – A satanic cat … like Mr. Bigglesworth

Lubribraking – when you are caught greasing the wheels of Congress and have to stop

Ex·pant·sive – When you have to purchase relaxed-fit slacks

Po·lit·icate – To muse on political theory

Magni·bigga·fication – To make a small, fictional problem large –“Gay marriage has been magnibiggafied”

Slur·by – A walk by cursing made popular by Dick Cheney

Ma·cheese·mo – A manly, but disturbing, attraction to cheese and dairy products

In·gra·ti·lewd – Not appreciative of dirty jokes or scantily dressed women (most Senators and Congressmen don’t have this problem)

Bi·fart·isan Bill – both parties agreeing to a really bad smelling bill

In·e·bri·sta·ted – An opinion voiced repeatedly when plastered

Bi·smarter·than – When you are the smarter of two people

So, people, in your daily travelations, please try to use more exactitution and verbacity in your daily conversaciums, as to prevent more disruptivation in our national tête-à-tête. We’ll all be better for it.

Trevor Stone Irvin

Trevor Stone Irvin

Illustrator and Designer living in the Candler Park area...At one time I worked at the Atlanta Constitution and then for CNN at the all seemed too much like real work so I went freelance...which my father defined as "being unemployed for a real long time".

  1. Cliff Green

    Thanks, Trevor. This cleared up many refluximafusions as they relate to the usual gratomafaxions in the English language.

  2. Gratuidiotous – something idiotic not justified. (The first two sections). The rest was funny!

  3. Darby Britto

    Why shucks Trevor that was downright clownicalatious: laugh out loud funny.

  4. Clearly I see the other side of the mountain.

    Etymology: Latin from repudium rejection of a prospective spouse, divorce

    1: to divorce or separate formally from (a woman)
    2: to refuse to have anything to do with : disown
    3 a: to refuse to accept; especially : to reject as unauthorized or as having no binding force
    4: to refuse to acknowledge or pay <repudiate a debt

    I will now repudium myself from the said ownership of said spouse, I believe the Omen's Liberation Front was won in 1968. The same period of time that I was reborn into a world that refused to accept the changes made from metal that made me blind to the belief that we are equal. I refuse to accept the premise that I owe anything to any human being, much less a woman who can't see two feet on the other side of stupid. I reject a piece of paper as a binding force,… I now understand, 'Keep going forward"!

    A man once said, In a wondrous watery bountiful world, teeming life hides from man's ever searching nets.
    Over and out!

    Thanks T for the defining moment of truth.

  5. Thanks taking us on a hilarious trip to the fantasy world of Sarah Palin, the new bard of the Theater of the Short Attention Span. Appropriately, her statement that led to this column was delivered via Twitter.

  6. I saw the e-mail notification for this new article when I sat down to look at my finances using my online banking to see if I could afford some Spanx for Men. (Sadly, my Spanx account won’t allow it.) Other searches for “Spanx for Men” financing yielded all sorts of naughty sites suggesting I put things on my credit card. Further research into my finances is necessary, so I’ll go to my online Merrill account and check my “Stocks and Bondage”

  7. corpseline – journalists who make fun of verbal gaffs of people they disagree with but give a pass to a Commander-in-Chief who mispronounced “Corps” several times while reading from a teleprompter.

    1. Trevor Stone Irvin

      Oh … Why bless your heart, I am just soooooo sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings. I’ll jest shut ma mean ol’ liberal mouth rit quick! That dastardly ignorant old fake Hawaiian president certainly needs to be Slap-i-fied for his terrible gaff. I’m going to stand it the corner for an hour and think hard about what I did.

      Thank you for your help in this matter.


    2. Billy Howard

      Everyone has verbal gaffes occasionally but some people are comprehensible only occasionally. Vive la difference! There is a word for this syndrome: hubriscluelessness.

  8. Will somebody explain Applejack’s post to me???…Anyway, I’m forwarding this to the Whitehouse..The Prez needs a good laugh!

  9. Noel Holston

    I have a possible addition to your dictionary:

    slurricane — a propangda storm generated anew every day by right-wing media personalities in reaction to anything the Obama adminstration does; also, what the Obama administration was afraid of when it hastily fired Shirley Sherrod.

  10. Steve Valk

    Trevor, you need to pass this along to Tina Fey. Might come in handy for her next send-up of Sarah. I’d try to say something funny here, but it would only pale in comparison to what you’ve provided. Even the Stones were intimidated when they had to follow James Brown. Keep it coming!

  11. I’m totally confusticated since I’m a verbadunce and not fluentudated in the Englishispanic language.

  12. Alex Kearns

    Have you read Palin’s FaceBook page? It’s hilarious – particularly her rant about the Deepwater Horizon debacle. Okay Ms Palin: on behalf of all environmentalists I would like to issue a sincere apology for the disaster in the Gulf (in the World According to Sarah it’s the eco-weenies fault).
    All better now?

    Great Article, Trevor. One can only assume that either they didn’t offer basic English classes during any of her aborted college attempts or she is emulating G.W. (Oops! Further apologies to Ms Palin for the “choice” of the “abort” word). My bad.
    (“Well, let’s see. There’s ― of course in the great history of America there have been rulings that there’s never going to be absolute consensus by every American, and there are those issues, again, like Roe v. Wade, where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So, you know, going through the history of America, there would be others but ―” –Sarah Palin, unable to name a Supreme Court decision she disagreed with other than Roe vs. Wade, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008)

    I guess that Palin’s voracious reading habits aren’t helping her (“All of ’em, any of ’em that have been in front of me over all these years.” -Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1/08)

    “‘Refudiate,’ ‘misunderestimate,’ ‘wee-wee’d up.’ English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!'” Tweet sent by Sarah Palin in response to being ridicule for inventing the word “refudiate,” proudly mistaking her illiteracy for literary genius, July 18, 2010

    “Wee-wee’d up”??? Shakespeare just rolled over in his grave and vomited.

    As a Canadian-American citizen I particularly liked this one “We used to hustle over the border for health care we received in Canada. And I think now, isn’t that ironic?” – Sarah Palin, admitting that her family used to get treatment in Canada’s single-payer health care system, despite having demonized such government-run programs as socialized medicine that will lead to “death-panels”, March 6, 2010

    And this is the creature who would like to lead this country in 2012. I think I’d rather have her son-in-law to be, Levi.

  13. They’re all good, so good! But reduplicate — that one makes me cry. I mean, honestly, it makes me cry. Of course, living in Georgia these days, a lot of things make me want to cry.

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