No better way the Dinner Hour to greet,
Than with a Plate piled high with tasty Meat.
No matter be it Fowl or Beef or Lamb,
I eat, and to the PETA folks say “Damn!”
I’d rather eat a Chicken or a Duck
Than be a stupid Tofu-Nourished Schmuck.
Yes, give me Beef: a thick and juicy Steak,
That I may thank the Lord that I’m awake!
A friend reminded me the other day that it’s almost time for the Ides of March, a day celebrated in Shakespearian Literature.
But these days, we don’t celebrate March 15 on account of Julius Caesar. We celebrate it because it’s IEATAPETA Day: International Eat A Tasty Animal for PETA Day.
It’s the day we ceremonially stick it in the eye of the good folks at PETA by consuming mass quantities of Animal Protein. As Alex Bensky says, “If it didn’t have a mother, it’s not on my menu.”
“But, Steve-O,” you may be asking. “What did those nice people at PETA do to deserve this in-your-face opprobium?”
Well, they’re not so nice, those people at PETA. In the past, their campaigns have likened our treatment of food animals to that of Jews during the Holocaust, of African-Americans during the days of slavery and Jim Crow. And that, to me, is offensive. Worse, it’s giving offense for the sake of being offensive, in order to draw media and popular attention to their cause.
I love animals, but I also believe that there are many species of animals whose purpose on Earth is to serve as food for humans. And I’m OK with that. It’s one of the privileges of being at the top of the Food Chain.
I’m a speciesist. I’ll proudly admit it. I think humans come first.
Plus, I like meat. Tasty, yummy meat. And so, IEATAPETA Day gives me yet another excuse to enjoy a seriously meaty meal. Several of ’em. Breakfast, lunch, and supper. Plus snacks. (Beef jerky, anyone?)
Perhaps I’ll go to a Brazilian steakhouse, where meat in all its glorious forms is hauled to my table in a never-ending stream. Or perhaps we’ll get some nice, thick beefsteaks to grill at home.
Too bad Steve H. Graham’s Matsushita Heavy Industries Humpback Whale Bacon is a fictional product. I’d eat it if I could get hold of a few of those 25-foot long rashers. (No wonder their tagline is “You’re Gonna Need A Bigger Skillet!™”)
Celebrate IEATAPETA Day! Eat Food with a Face™! And if you have anything special planned, let us know in the comments.
To get you in the mood, I’ve posted a few nice Meaty Photos below. Enjoy.
Succulent beef tenderloin.