Graham, Sanford, Demint as themselvesI come from the land down under. But it ain’t Austraya. It’s South Carolina. And that song with the lyrics, “I come from the land down under,” sticks in my mind over and over. And over. If stuck songs in the past are any example, I know it will go away.

I did have one stick for more than a week, but at least it was continual, not continuous. So, “I come from the land down under” fleets around from hollow corner to vapid alcove of my brain, as I reflect upon my plight as a Sandlapper.

Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten hooked on readin’ Jeff Cochran articles, but here comes another song bustin’ in  – “It ain’t Easy” in Ringo Star’s voice.

Soothe Carolina (as Fritz Hollings calls it) is perpetually Down, Out, Under (the literacy curve), Shootin’ Off (remember Ft. Sumter) and Seized Up, seizing some sleazy moral high ground.

Currently our “holy trinity” of prophets from the craw of Everyman’s trifling’ gripes could be quite aptly named the “Trojan Horse,” the “Straw Dog” and the “Snake in the Grass.”

Graham, Sanford, Demint in costumeThe “Straw Dog” got his Ted Copple on rising to power berating a “thong” in outrage he shared with a cigar, or for a cigar, I should say. Every day for more than a year his (now silent for similar foibles – think- but don’t cry for the Governor) outrage lured cameras from National Media as he filled Strom Thurmond’s big bigoted shoes strummin’ on his National Enquirer banjo. And there was then as there is now serious business to attend to in Washington. But instead of doing his job, this hayseed (should we say “linseed”?) slung muck from his soapbox leading the mob of frail railers against the last President to oversee an economic surplus. This guy was actually probably personally inner conflicted with the shocking sight of women in underpants, but let’s leave his own personal issues in the closet, or shelved as it were.

The “Trojan Horse” rose through the ranks with rancor as well. Anti-gumbamunt, anti-graft, and pro family values, this whining would-be Patsy Cline rode his over starched shirt and tie to popularist no nonsense darlingism by pseudo fiscal conservatism til he ran out of jet fuel. This fop is still way too much in the slimelight to further discuss.

And as for the “Snake in the Grass” – name me one positive suggestion this guy has ever made. His Only political dog and pony act is naysayin’ in an almost demented tone. Recently he wrote a bad check to God. That’s right, he recently borrowed the sanctity of his own deity to make false claims that God was an obstructionist. Within a prayer.

So, while we in the land seemingly always down under strive for un-fouled political air, we remember and honor the Riley‘s, the Fritz‘s, and our current famous-everywhere-but-South Carolina champion of decency, James Clyburn. And pass it on – our garlic cheese grits are as magnificent as our mountain trails, our abundant lakeshores, beaches and blackwater river runs. And while we were the state that skewered John McCain (on Bob Jones sword, remember?), back when he was relevant and running against George the Second; we also were pivotal in the last presidential primary – keeping Hope alive.

  1. Terri Evans

    Glad you could remind us of the many marvelous things about SC, including, and especially, Joe Riley. “Slimelight” is great spin, and I suspect, original.

  2. Jeff Cochran

    Hi Austin. Thanks for the plug…..

    Perhaps all us dew-dahs can assemble our SC political stories (I had one last summer) into one single volume. It should be required reading at Bob Jones.

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