so_how_many_times_have_you_been_married_tshirt-p235509197719304229ya9f_400My third and best husband and I just returned from my first husband’s fifth wedding.

On the banks of the Edisto River, in South Carolina, Jack Williams married Judy Smith, in a light rain under live oaks and swaying Spanish moss, with over 200 musicians, friends, family and fans.

And one ex-wife: me. The others — Ann, Marcia and Coles — couldn’t make it.

Guests ranged in age from infancy to incontinency and were mostly barefoot — attired in shorts and T-shirts, swimsuits, cover-ups and towels. One guest knotted a beach towel at a jaunty angle around her hips and proclaimed herself “dressed” for the wedding. Adam, Jack’s son with Ann (Number One), served as best man, dressed like his dad, in shorts and sandals. Judy’s two grandsons, Connor and Cameron, took their job very seriously, collecting the rings after they had been passed through many loving hands of the assembled guests.

As soon as the musician/minister Wayne Manning pronounced Jack and Judy man and wife, they turned their backs to the crowd and plunged into the blackwater river. The minister jumped in behind them, then Judy’s two grown sons and daughter. Splashing and laughing, the couple “floated into their life together” (their words).

Sink or swim, it was typical of the romanticism and optimism that allow Jack, 62, to be undaunted by his fifth try at wedlock.

sarijaneThe River Gathering of friends and families, old and new, had been more or less an annual event since 1998. Music occurs because many of those friends are musicians, nationally known or locally grown. They may be below the commercial radar screen but are at the top of the game: hippies, aging and neo, flaunting their folkie tunes in Dylan-esque monotones and Joan Baez-ish melodies. Although Jack and Coles (Number Four) had invited us in those early years, we weren’t convinced it was our scene. I mean, why would Bo Holland want to hang out with people and memories that belonged to another marriage of mine? He didn’t!

In the winter of 1978, the most but not the only seductive thing about Jack Williams was his creativity and talent – classical piano, rock guitar, original tunes. I had just left a great writing gig at Newsday to live on the beach on Hilton Head, S.C. and follow less serious pursuits – calligraphy, working in an art gallery and writing restaurant reviews and occasional profiles for the bi-weekly paper. When The Island Packet assigned me to interview Jack, a twice-wed wandering troubadour, son of a Southern Baptist Army colonel with deep roots in rural Carolina, little did I know we’d be married four months later.

Even if my father never quite approved of marriage to a bearded musician, my grandmother was charmed by Jack’s clever poetry about the three B’s – Brahms, Bach and Beethoven – and his knowledge of art and history. His lack of concern for such practical things as checking accounts and health insurance concerned my family but fueled my ongoing attempt to disassociate myself from a hopelessly traditional, conservative upbringing.

Jack had a piano in our small condo on Hilton Head which, on weeknights, he’d play late into the night while I slept, ready to jump up for my conventional day job. Come Friday, his band, Fools in Love, would pull away from the island, headed for gigs in other parts of South Carolina, Florida, Georgia, Missouri and Colorado. Occasionally, I’d go with him but, ultimately, it became clear I wasn’t cut out to live out of a Dodge van, and I didn’t want to be alone every weekend for the rest of my life.

At about this time, Jack realized he wasn’t really ready for a commitment – especially on weekends when he was surrounded by groupies and younger women with a different moral compass.     His going-away gift to me when he left, three years later, was a beloved red IBM Selectric typewriter and a better educated love for and appreciation of music. He introduced me to Jesse Winchester, The Band, Schubert and to many fine musicians I still follow today – including him.

Over the past 25 years, he’d come to Atlanta off-and-on to play at one spot or another and, married or not, I’d make a point to be an appreciative member of the often-small audience. When Bo and I married in 1988, he was game but not giddy about going to those gigs. Slowly, though, he developed admiration not only for Jack’s guitar-playing but his good nature, too.

redneck_wedding_receptionThe Sunday before the most recent nuptials, Jack was playing in town. For months I had emailed, see you at Eddie’s Attic, but, sorry, we can’t come to the wedding. That night, though, he and Judy, 54, kept encouraging us until finally, Bo said, “Why aren’t we going? We need to be there.” What a sport!

Our own wedding announcement read, “Eat, Drink and Re-Marry” so, in that spirit, we were off and running.

We’d been having a particularly musical summer anyway. Anita Baker, Clint Black and Paul Simon were live at a nearby amphitheater. We enjoyed “Long Tall” Marcia Ball at the Atlanta Botanical Garden, flew to Philly to hear Van Morrison, tuned in to Radiohead at the office. So why not drive to South Carolina for a Saturday night of love and loves-lost songs? And, oh yes, a wedding, too.

We were greeted with sincere warmth – and some curiosity. The hug Jack and Bo shared went beyond polite, lingering with real affection. Jack’s oldest friend, Sam Hendrix and his girls – then teenagers, now wives and mothers – were a sight to behold and we exchanged cards and email addresses with others we connected with on many levels. Adam was 13 the last time I had seen him but it won’t be another 25 years before the next sighting. There were old drummers and writer friends of Jack’s I was glad to see and vice versa.

The buffet was a long picnic table of predictable fare – chips and dips, ham, barbecue and lots of baked beans done a variety of ways. We took four dozen store-bought petite fours with green and pink J’s squeezed on them, and someone made the pecan cake Jack’s late mother, Louise, was famous for. Following the feast, the musicians John William Davis, Dayna Kurtz, Chuck Brodsky and, of course Jack, too, took their turns at the microphones moving us all to cheers and tears with their playing, singing and songwriting skills. Grown men actually cried.

Driving home at 8 the next morning, Bo said, “We won’t miss that event again.”

Lord, at first I thought he meant Jack’s next wedding, but there won’t be one of those. We’re as optimistic about that as he is. The River Gathering, however, will definitely be an annual summer destination for us.

As long as third wives and their favorite husbands are welcome.

Susan Soper

Susan Soper

Susan Soper is a longtime journalist: as a writer for Newsday where she was part of a team that won a Pulitzer Prize for The Heroin Trail, writer at CNN, Features Editor at the Atlanta Journal-Constitution and Executive Editor at Atlanta INtown. Recently, she created and published a workbook, ObitKit ( She is currently working on a number of writing and editing projects, including obituaries and life stories. She lives in Atlanta with her husband, Bo Holland. Her interests include hiking, reading, the arts, people (dead and alive) and, in a better economy, travel. Staying close to home these days, she takes and documents “Urban Hikes” and is interested in sharing sites of interest with readers of Like the Dew.

  1. Terri Evans

    What fun! In every respect. My favorite phrase? infancy to incontinency

  2. What a wonderful story. So glad I was able to read it. I do think we need a caption for the bride/circus performer hanging over the beer keg.

  3. Cliff Green

    Wonderful story, Susan.
    My wife Linda and I also attended an unusual wedding several years ago, although it didn’t include either of our exes.
    This gentile boy, whose father is an ordained Protestant minister, was marrying a Jewish girl. We walk in and notice that the Jews are sitting on one side of the room and the Christians on the other. As Episcopalians, we sat with the Christians. (Of course, we tried not to show prejudice, one way or the other.)
    Anyway, the kids were married by a federal judge, who is Jewish, and the father of the groom, the Protestant minister, sang a Christian hymn to close the service.
    Did I tell you that the minister was divorced from his wife, the mother of the groom? Well, she was there with her new husband, and the minister’s new wife was there with her children, who were about five and nine years old.
    I mean, this guy was marrying off a grown son while taking on the chore of raising a young family at the same time! But none of that seemed to matter as Jews and Christians danced with one another deep into the night.
    Earlier, the divorced Protestant minister who would end up with Jewish in-laws–and eventually grandchildren–married Linda and I in the living room of the house we shared in Candler Park. Last month, we celebrated our 29th anniversary, in the same house.
    Sometimes, stuff matters; sometimes it doesn’t.

  4. Janet Ward

    My own Jack, Number 2 Husband, and I have always found it much more wearing to resent our formers than to just accept them and go on about our business. I have always maintained a steady appreciation and, dare I say, love, for my first husband, and Jack likes him very much. And, with two kids from his first marriage, it didn’t seem reasonable to make an enemy out of their mother, who was a damn fine parent.

    So we are all this little post-90s group of people who enjoy each other’s company and made things work. Believe me, when Lucy, Jack’s ex, marries her new love, there will be no jumping into a river. But we will be there with bells on.

    What a fun piece to read!

  5. Susan
    I finally got caught up on my reading today, including your story on the wedding. It was delightful!

Comments are closed.