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Sunday, May 28, 2017
Southern Weather Radar


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    Will Cantrell

    Will Cantrell
    Will Cantrell (a pseudonym) is a writer, storyteller, and explorer of the milieu of everyday life. An aging Baby Boomer, a Georgia Tech grad, and a retired banker, Cantrell regularly chronicles what he swears are 'mostly true'  'everyman' adventures. Of late, he's written about haircuts, computer viruses, Polar Vortexes, identity theft, ketchup, doppelgangers, bifocals, ‘Streetification’, cursive handwriting, planning his own funeral and other gnarly things that caused him to scratch his head in an increasingly more and more crazy-ass world.   As for Will himself, the legend is at an early age he wandered South, got lost, and like most other self-respecting males, was loathe to ask for directions. The best solution, young Will mused, “was just to stay put”. All these years later, he still hasn't found his way but remains  a son of the New South. He was recently sighted somewhere close to I-285, lost, bumfuzzled and mumbling something about “...writing' his way home.” Of course, there are a lot of folks who think that “Cantrell ain't wrapped too tight” but hope that he keeps writing about his adventures as he finds his way back to the main highway.
    Number of posts: 100
    Email address: email
    Twitter: Twitter
    Subscribe to my RSS Feed: http://likethedew.com/author/wcantrell/feed/

    By Will Cantrell:


      A Most Elegant Ruse?

      by | 7, Add your Comment | Oct 26, 2010
      A Most Elegant Ruse?

      Hardly ever does any good news come out of a study… at least nothing to your advantage. The odds are stacked. And mostly against you too.

      It can be hazardous to even be informed of the results of a study. Now you become privy to information that you did not want or need to know—changing forever, life  and the universe as you knew it. Take a most recent episode… A few days ago, someone got the bright idea to study men’s pants.

      On Strong Links, Chain Reactions and Mashed Potatoes

      by | 8, Add your Comment | Oct 21, 2010
      On Strong Links, Chain Reactions and Mashed Potatoes

      The most terrifying and heartless aspect of cancer is that you can make all the right moves – eat the right foods, exercise ‘right’, get regular checkups and even have the good sense to come from good stock. You may even possess a surplus of good karma-goodwill built up from a lifetime of selfless pursuit. Cancer cares about none of this.

      Cancer comes swiftly, urgently, and silently in the wee dark hours – threatening… taunting… and stealing dreams.

      On Mascots, Bears, and Banana Slugs

      by | 2, Add your Comment | Oct 17, 2010
      On Mascots, Bears, and Banana Slugs

      Change is hardly ever easy. The University of Mississippi adopted a new football mascot last week. Just like the folks at Georgia have the Bulldog; Georgia Tech, the Yellow Jacket; and Clemson, the Tiger; Ole Miss now has “the Bear.” (The new Ole Miss Rebel Bear is vaguely reminiscent of Smokey Bear of forest fire prevention fame.)

      In choosing a new on-field mascot, Ole Miss douses a smoldering flame of another kind.

      33 the hard way?

      by | 10, Add your Comment | Oct 14, 2010
      33 the hard way?

      I watch, with great interest, as 33 Chilean miners emerge from their underground prison of 72 days. Bravo! What a great event …and one applauds all of the efforts by several countries including the Chileans and the U.S. to pull off the great rescue.

      That said, maybe it’s just me, but I was thinking “…that the rescue device does go both ways”. Now that we’ve gotten the original miners out, maybe there ought to be some kind of ‘exchange program’ with Mother Earth, as it were.

      The ‘Goes Around, Comes Around’ Theory of the Universe

      by | 6, Add your Comment | Oct 3, 2010
      The ‘Goes Around, Comes Around’ Theory of the Universe

      “What goes around comes around…” I consider the issue as I read further.

       

      USA Today reports that Hawaii Five-0 is the No.1 rated show on the Fall TV schedule. This information is provided by Nielsen. We’re told that the Nielsens are a perfect demographic cross section of America and the perfect arbiters of what the rest of us “like” on TV… and of other things as well. As it turns out, The Nielsens figure out first—and then tell everyone else — “what’s hot” and “what’s not.” (With all of this influence, you’d think that Neilsens would have to have been elected.)

      Balderdash, Malarkey… and Mayhem?

      by | 9, Add your Comment | Sep 20, 2010
      Balderdash, Malarkey… and Mayhem?

      Yeah. Yeah I know. I know. You’re sayin’ to yourself, “Just switch the channel, Cantrell. Just switch the channel!”

      Believe me, I hear you. And you’d be right too. You absolutely would be… except that they’ve taken over. They’re on every channel.  On every one of ‘em and everywhere else too… at the same time… and in Biblical proportions… like locusts… or kudzu… or TV evangelists.

      Not that Kind of Cowboy

      by | 7, Add your Comment | Aug 30, 2010
      Not that Kind of Cowboy

      He’s never picked up a lariat, roped any steers, or driven any cattle over the open range. Cowboy Dan is not that kind of ‘cowboy’. ‘Course, you’d think that ‘Cowboy Dan’ would be all ‘worn out’ by now.

      Over his first twenty-five years, Ol’ Dan has written and recorded a  gaggle of country western songs, managed to graduate from UGA’s College of Agriculture, did a stint with the Braves (as a groundskeeper), been a successful door-to-door salesman, written and starred in a bunch of music videos. Oh, and he’s also had six open heart surgeries.

      A Teachable Moment?

      by | 7, Add your Comment | Aug 24, 2010
      A Teachable Moment?

      Is this old woman trying to start a fight with me?

      Our confrontation takes place in the ‘Beer and Wine’ Section at Serengeti’s Market.

      By virtue of missing a six-foot putt on the Eighteenth hole, me and my best friend since the third grade, Booger Wadsworth, have lost the two-man scramble to those two communists from the Xanadu Golf Club. Afterwards, Wadsworth says to me. “Well, since you couldn’t save the world for democracy at least you could run over to Serengeti’s and buy the beer”.

      I’m a little distracted by Aretha singing her version of Smokey Robinson’s  The Tracks of My Tears, played over the sound system  As a result I’ve spent a couple of minutes of trying to figure out what to take back to me and Booger’s version of detente with ‘the communists’. I’ve spent a couple of minutes of trying to choose. Beer or ale, foreign or domestic, premium blend or cheap ‘brewski’?  It’s all mind boggling. Just as I reach for the brightly packaged carton of Red Stripe, my hand is slapped away—rejected by another hand that is smaller and wrinkled but whose motion is swift and sure as Shaquille O’Neil’s rejecting a twelve-foot jumper.

      Keepin’ the Faith

      by | 8, Add your Comment | Jul 31, 2010
      Keepin’ the Faith

      It’s Pam Anderson-hot on the outside. Maybe it’s even Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball hot and by now, I’m doing a slow burn. I’ve just passed the Big Chicken, inexorably moving south through grudging traffic. My ‘burn’ is not due to the sweltering heat or even the rush hour traffic, although neither is helping matters. Rather, I’ve just been told by Placemat that the guy whose screen name is “Bestsellingauthor” already has 5,000 friends.

      The ‘Art of Loss’ …and Cell Phones

      by | 15, Add your Comment | Jul 22, 2010
      The ‘Art of Loss’ …and Cell Phones

      The bald-headed, naked truth is that I am about to lose it.

      I am really good—maybe even extraordinary — at what one might term “the art of loss.” Coats, gloves, hats, golf clubs, car keys, eyeglasses, and wallets have slipped through my watery grip and ‘butter’  fingers with more regularity than I care to admit. ‘Bumbershoots’ are a particular specialty. I have misplaced enough of these to keep a small town bone dry during a monsoon, especially if that small town was, say, the size of Chicago. (That umbrella that you found in your office recently, was more likely than not, lost by Cantrell.) At one time or another, I have forgotten the location of my car, once lost a sofa from the bed of a pick-up truck and once, for eighteen hellish minutes, lost my eight-year-old nephew at the mall!

      The “it”—i.e. the item ‘most likely’ to be lost this time  — is my new cell phone …

      Not Our (World) Cup of Tea

      by | 13, Add your Comment | Jul 7, 2010
      Not Our (World) Cup of Tea

      Isha Sesay is hot.  Maybe she’s dammed hot.

      Ms. Sesay is the very attractive, very knowledgeable, British-born, Sierra Leone-raised journalist who is reporting World Cup 2010 events from South Africa for CNN. Over the past month or so, largely because of Ms. Sesay, I suspect that I’ve learned more about soccer than I ever cared to know. Hot women can have that kind of effect on you.

      Fear and Loathing…and Ketchup

      by | 8, Add your Comment | Jun 10, 2010
      Fear and Loathing…and Ketchup

      I awake to BREAKING NEWS. The TV news anchor announces that “…they’re changing the recipe for ketchup. It’s set to happen gradually over the summer. “

      “Wha…! Nah… no way,” I say in disbelief. But before I allow fear and panic to take over, I dismiss the whole thing to the fact that I just woke up. I was still in that semi – conscious, altered state that lies between REM sleep and my full acquisition of “walking around sense”. It’s a brief but ‘crazy’ time each morning just after I awake when my brain tends to have a mind of its own. Anything can happen. Apparitions of long dead relatives, monsters, ghosts and goats are not uncommon. A couple of months ago, I was abducted, albeit briefly, by aliens. On another occasion, I was visited by Elvis.

      Sadly, Ali-Ollie Woodson Joins “a Helluva Band”

      by | 7, Add your Comment | Jun 2, 2010
      Sadly, Ali-Ollie Woodson Joins "a Helluva Band"

      Bad news comes  too often these days. Much too often it comes in the early light  already spoiling for a fight.

      I awoke Monday to the news that Ali-Ollie Woodson had passed away. The report said that he ‘d died Sunday from complications of leukemia.

      Damn.

      You can’t quite place the name, right? Unless you’re an avid fan, you’d hardly remember that Ali-Ollie Woodson was…

      Hurricane Warning (…Please don’t shoot)

      by | 12, Add your Comment | May 31, 2010
      Hurricane Warning (...Please don't shoot)

      As if they didn’t have enough problems already, those people over at CNN announced this morning that the 2010 Hurricane Season starts tomorrow, June 1. At the same time, they also said that this year’s hurricane season is likely to be notably worse than last year …

      The CNN guy looked right at me through the TV screen and said that we all needed to ‘be prepared’ for a bad hurricane season, especially those of us who lived in states affected the most by hurricanes (Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, South Carolina, and North Carolina). He said that we all needed to develop a personal evacuation plan.

      Pomp and Circumspect

      by | 7, Add your Comment | May 17, 2010
      Pomp and Circumspect

      You can hardly turn around lately without bumping into somebody from out of town, who has scurried in town to give a commencement speech.

      Last Sunday, Robert Gates, the Secretary of Defense congratulated and challenged the new graduates of Morehouse College. At the same time Gates was speaking, U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice did the same at Spelman. A week earlier, Stephen Chu, U.S. Energy Secretary was at Georgia Tech and Arnold Schwarzenegger was at Emory to toast their newly minted grads.  It seems as if much of Washington, D.C. [1] has been dispatched to graduations all over the country. President Obama delivered commencement

      The Stealth Mother

      by | 7, Add your Comment | May 8, 2010
      The Stealth Mother

      Mother’s Day sneaked up on me this year. It caught me completely ‘off guard’. To be honest, I thought that it was next weekend.  ‘Course, I guess it is kind of appropriate, because in my ‘growing up’ years, my Mother used to sneak up on me with some degree of regularity. Sometimes it was to steal a kiss on the cheek. Sometimes it was to play a joke (my mother was the prankster in our house). At still other times, she practiced her ‘below the radar’ techniques when I was ‘up to something’… “William Rogers Cantrell Junior! Just, what do you think you’re doing young man? I never saw her coming.

      Stephen Hawking Comes Lately?

      by | 6, Add your Comment | Apr 28, 2010
      Stephen Hawking Comes Lately?

      Dear Stephen Hawking:

      Stop it!

      Over the past couple of days, you’ve gotten everybody over here in North America all exorcised about extraterrestrial visitors, alien invasions and … well, “stuff.” As you no doubt remember, this past weekend, you said that aliens probably existed and that it might be dangerous to contact them. What’s more you said that “I imagine they exist in massive ships … having used up all the resources of their home planet. Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they can reach.”

      Volcanic Proportions

      by | 5, Add your Comment | Apr 19, 2010
      Volcanic Proportions

      “What are you doin’?” “I am just here looking at the volcano. Watching it live on the Internet. It’s quite beautiful.” “Beautiful! Are you crazy? It’s got air traffic all screwed up. Don’t you know that people all over the world are stranded?” “Might as well enjoy the show, Booger. Look at all that smoke and lava and ash coming out. It’s throwing out rocks and boulders and sh-sh-shards of glass, too. It’s kinda neat from a geological perspective. I am trying to see if anything useful gets thrown out of there, like

      On Role Models and Earth Moving

      by | 8, Add your Comment | Apr 8, 2010
      On Role Models and Earth Moving

      Yesterday, on the eve of The 2010 Masters, five months after all of that tawdriness and unpleasantness with fire hydrants, car crashes, and cocktail waitresses, Billy Payne mounted a podium in Augusta, Georgia and publicly chastised Tiger Woods.

      “…it is not simply the degree of his conduct that is so egregious here; it is the fact that he disappointed all of us, and more importantly, our kids and our grandkids. Our hero did not live up to the expectations of the role model we saw for our children,” Payne said

      What!?

      Review: Life in the Paint

      by | 1, Add your Comment | Mar 27, 2010
      Life in the Paint: A Black Man Fighting for His Identity, by John D. Hollis

      “I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed. Out of the hard and unusual struggle through which he is compelled to pass, he gets strength, a confidence, that one misses whose pathway is comparatively smooth by reason of birth and race.” – Booker T. Washington

      So begins the Prologue of John D. Hollis’ new book, Life in the Paint: A Black Man Fighting for His Identity (Eloquent Books, 2009).

      On Re-Invention

      by | 4, Add your Comment | Mar 25, 2010
      On Re-Invention

      This Week’s Things to Do

      1. Buy eggs.

      2. Clean gutters.

      3. Re-invent self

      4. Thank you note to Aunt Vera for the Obama Chia Pet.

      Of late, there’d been a few suggestions that I “re-invent” myself. The latest had come from Brittany, a twelve-year-old who lives next door.

      On Googling Gods…and Willie Mays

      by | 3, Add your Comment | Mar 12, 2010
      On Googling Gods...and Willie Mays

      Never Google ‘Willie Mays’!

      Just don’t. It ain’t right.

      First of all, Willie Mays was a god and gods are … well dammit, they’re gods!  They shouldn’t have to be Googled.

      Please, Mr. Postman

      by | 6, Add your Comment | Mar 6, 2010
      Please, Mr. Postman

      This morning, Travis, my mailman, delivered the news to me.

      “… it’s because of the economy, Mr. C. It’s all over CNN, ” he said.

      “Travis, you guys have threatened to do this many times before. ”

      “Well this time we mean it. We really do. We just can’t afford to do Saturday deliveries anymore.”

      “What do you mean ’can’t afford ’? How much are stamps these days? About $8 apiece? Seems like you guys should be able to afford to deliver the mail on Saturdays and Sundays too. I remember when stamps were a dime.”

      Cahoots: A Southern Snow Plot

      by | 2, Add your Comment | Mar 3, 2010
      Cahoots: A Southern Snow Plot

      “What are you doing?

      “Er, uh … nothing, just looking through the window. Looks like it’s stopped snowing. Pretty while it lasted, though.”

      “I know that look on your face. I’ve seen it before. Plenty of times. You’re up to something, aren’t you? ‘Fess up. Aren’t you?”

      A Poll Dance

      by | 5, Add your Comment | Feb 22, 2010
      A Poll Dance

      You go your whole life — your whole long life — knowing that the world operates in a certain way. You’ve definitely figured out a few things. Maybe you still don’t know how your ex-spouse’s mind works or even how to reset the car radio at “Spring Back/Fall Down” or whatever. Still, you know a thing or two about a thing or two. Or so you think.

      Then, as always happens, someone comes along and messes up everything.

      On Finding Salinger

      by | 6, Add your Comment | Feb 3, 2010
      On Finding Salinger

      Until his press agent announced his death a few days ago, I‘d thought little about J.D. Salinger these last years. I suspect you hadn’t either. He’d slipped to a distant corner of my memory. I doubt though that the notoriously reclusive Salinger — if a “successful” recluse can also at the same time be notorious — would be offended by our lapses. I am sure that’s the way he would have things be. (I must confess that I have this penchant for deeming the once famous but also very much “still with us” to be long in the grave. It’s nothing personal or even intentional.

      Nothing to Kick About!

      by | 1, Add your Comment | Dec 15, 2009
      Nothing to Kick About!

      America, it’s time to abolish the field goal!

      A few days ago, I was an eyewitness to an event that was shameful, reprehensible, and quite frankly, unholy. I am sure that it might even be an unnatural act and illegal in many of the lower 48 states. After the incident — and even after a long hot shower — I felt used, cheap and quite frankly, dirty. After I calmed down, I thought of calling “the authorities” and filing some sort of complaint but then thought better of the matter. I did vow to myself to call my attorney in the morning and report the incident, however.

      The Grown Folks Table

      by | 2, Add your Comment | Nov 24, 2009
      The Grown Folks Table

      “Your money’s no good here, son,” he said, looking down at the folded twenty dollar bill that I’d just slipped him. “One of your cousins just tried the same thing — with a fifty! It didn’t work for him either.”

      “But…”

      “You guys know the rules. You gotta wait your turn just like everybody else.”

      Rushing the Obit

      by | 0, Add your Comment | Nov 23, 2009
      Rushing the Obit

      They’re dropping like flies. The formerly famous among us are dying. Lately, it’s been epidemic.

      One morning a few weeks ago, my radio announced that yet another “use to be famous” person had just died.

      “Jeez,” I said to myself, “that was the third one this week!” (I have it on good authority that death always “comes in threes.”) Every day it seems that it’s another one — i.e. some formerly famous person — who’s gone.

      Scare Tactics!

      by | 5, Add your Comment | Oct 28, 2009
      Scare Tactics!

      Halloween is upon us. It’s time, yet again,  for us to unleash our ‘inner child’, don some appropriate  disguise and then go about the business of scaring the bejesus out of the next unsuspecting human being who happens to pass by. This year, my own inner child has narrowed his Halloween costume choices to a Wall Street banker, an officer manager armed with pink slips or one of the Real Atlanta Housewives. (The latter is mean-spirited perhaps … but definitely scary.) The notion that so many of us get caught up in the idea of being someone else is troubling.  On any other day, posing as somebody else will get you arrested for identity theft. On Halloween, it’s perfectly legal. Of course, recent pre-occupation with Halloween may be because of the ongoing recession. Many folks are hiding from bill collectors and repo-men. A Halloween mask is much cheaper than plastic […]

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