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Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Southern Weather Radar


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    Will Cantrell

    Will Cantrell
    Will Cantrell (a pseudonym) is a writer, storyteller, and explorer of the milieu of everyday life. An aging Baby Boomer, a Georgia Tech grad, and a retired banker, Cantrell regularly chronicles what he swears are 'mostly true'  'everyman' adventures. Of late, he's written about haircuts, computer viruses, Polar Vortexes, identity theft, ketchup, doppelgangers, bifocals, ‘Streetification’, cursive handwriting, planning his own funeral and other gnarly things that caused him to scratch his head in an increasingly more and more crazy-ass world.   As for Will himself, the legend is at an early age he wandered South, got lost, and like most other self-respecting males, was loathe to ask for directions. The best solution, young Will mused, “was just to stay put”. All these years later, he still hasn't found his way but remains  a son of the New South. He was recently sighted somewhere close to I-285, lost, bumfuzzled and mumbling something about “...writing' his way home.” Of course, there are a lot of folks who think that “Cantrell ain't wrapped too tight” but hope that he keeps writing about his adventures as he finds his way back to the main highway.
    Number of posts: 98
    Email address: email
    Twitter: Twitter
    Subscribe to my RSS Feed: http://likethedew.com/author/wcantrell/feed/

    Posts by Will Cantrell:


      views

      Are You Sure ‘Hef’ Knows About This?

      by | 2, Add your Comment | Oct 17, 2015
      Playboy Wrapped in Brown Paper

      As it turns out, you haven’t really ‘arrived’ in today’s world unless the Internet has declared you dead, defunct or ‘discontinued’ at least once. The reportage of death – or some other rite of passage – on the ‘Net is mostly unreliable. Often an Internet obit is a hoax. So when I first hear the latest rumor about PLAYBOY, it could only be that some digital-age scamps – some knuckle-brains — were screwing around on the Internet…

      worrying about fear

      Dealing with Goliath

      by | 5, Add your Comment | Oct 8, 2015
      Dealing with Goliath

      Sooner or later you have to face your fears.

      You have to confront Goliath,’ the thing that’s always loomed large over your existence – the dead of night dark… the soaring heights… the closed-in spaces… flying … or circus clowns. Goliath bullies you, taunts you and then talks about your Mama. Mainly Goliath means to have his way with you, to beat you up, take your lunch money — and whatever esteem you have left.

      no reason or compromise

      John Boehner and Zippity-Do-Da Days

      by | 4, Add your Comment | Sep 28, 2015
      What was the Republican House leadership, John Boehner, Kevin McCarthy and Steve Scalise by DonkeyHotey via flickr and used under a Creative Commons license.

      I once worked for an abusive boss, a man who proved impossible to please.   Congenitally mean, and though he wore no eye-patch, he had all of the charm, charisma and management style of your average, garden-variety Bond villain.

      After three days on the new job, I knew I’d made a mistake. A year on the job, my misery factor was so high, I prayed (I was a church-goer in those days) one of us would either get a better job and move on — or that one of us would die, though preferably not me!

      dear me

      It gets worse…

      by | 11, Add your Comment | Sep 17, 2015
      Pregnant belly in black and white — Photo by Dudaeva licensed by LikeTheDew.com at DepositPhotos.com - composite image created for LikeTheDew.com

      Dear Young Self: Lately, you can hardly turn on morning TV without seeing someone from Oprah Winfrey to Colin Powell to Miss America reading “A Letter to My Younger Self.” It’s one of the latest media fads no doubt designed to garner higher ratings. If it’s not Oprah[1] or Colin, it’s Tom Brady or Tyler Perry or Chrissy Teigen or some other obnoxiously rich, supernaturally attractive or disgustingly successful celebrity smoochin’ on themselves…

      ashd

      Hawthorne and ‘The Donald’

      by | 3, Add your Comment | Sep 13, 2015
      Production line at Hawthorne Electric

      Some things boggle the mind…and then they don’t.

      Been watching how Trump keeps rising in the polls no matter how outlandish his behavior is, no matter what he says or how boorish, childish and mean-spirited he behaves.

      september is literacy month

      Literacy: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

      by | 6, Add your Comment | Sep 9, 2015
      Literacy: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

      We’re always celebrating one thing or another in this country — some industry, product, cause, or way of life — whereby Congress and the Chamber of Commerce encourages the rest of us to show our love by wearing a colored ribbon and opening our wallets.

      September is National Literacy Month. Since Like the Dew is highly dependent upon literacy for its continued success, it celebrates the month by having one of its intrepid writers (one of them who can also read) spin a few words on the subject.

      nice soot, kid

      No Happy Campers

      by | 10, Add your Comment | Aug 29, 2015
      No Happy Campers

      At eleven years-old, the most infuriating thing about trying to “apply yourself” is the universe doesn’t always cooperate.

      Take the situation in which I’m in, the evening of Tuesday, September 10, 1962. Blindsided by Sister Jean, Sixth Grade teacher at Our Lady of the Pines Catholic School with a very first day assignment to write 500 words all about “What I Learned This Summer,” I’m stumped. Fully…totally …and absolutely!

      revenge of the grown ups

      Telling Tales Out of School

      by | 1, Add your Comment | Aug 23, 2015
      Telling Tales Out of School

      It is a fact that if you’re a kid growing up in America in the Fifties and Sixties, the last day of school is better than Christmas!

      You’re free, unfettered and unchained. Nothing but blue skies ahead …at least for three months, which is ‘till eternity’ in the Kid Standard Time.

      For the next three glorious months, you’re not required to study, sit still, do homework, do book reports, memorize, read, recite, remember or do anything remotely enlightening…

      separate but separate

      The Clean Restroom Gospel of Salvation

      by | 3, Add your Comment | Aug 9, 2015
      The Clean Restroom Gospel of Salvation

      “Sorry for the delay,” the Delta rep says. “2270 is in a stack pattern, circling north Georgia with a dozen or so other incoming flights. Can’t get clearance to land because of the storms. Weather folks say give it another 25 minutes.” I’m no good at waiting. Problem is today, I am without my ever changing ‘just-in-case-there-is-a-delay book I constantly keep nearby. Drat! However, while I have no talent for the waiting game, I can still listen with my naked ears–and with NSA-like aplomb too. It is ‘sport’ I can still do as well as ever and without getting caught.

      not eatin’ that

      Chitlins’ Last Stand

      by | 5, Add your Comment | Jul 28, 2015
      Chitlins' Last Stand

      No one in his right damn mind pays “you’ve gotta be kiddin’ me” prices to see a movie — even if it is an advance showing of a major motion picture. I’m willing today because this little excursion is part of my scheme to throw some serious ‘shade’ –- and some serious ‘cool’ –on a despicably hot summer day.   I’ve come to the mall multiplex to match wits with Tom Cruise, to see if I can keep up with the on-screen goings-on in the latest installment of Mission Impossible.

      Just within the mall, but outside the cinema, the conditioned air smells of popcorn and pastry. ‘Hot buttered’ emanates from the theatre; ‘Eau de Cinnabon’ oozes from the adjacent food court…

      breakfast over hard

      Ham n’ Angry

      by | 6, Add your Comment | Jun 29, 2015
      Charleson Massacre

      “Ol’ Obama knocked it outta the park yestiddy didn’t he?”

      “Sumbitch always does. He always does.”

      “Big O was fuckin’ magnificent in Charleston. I can’t believe he actually sang ‘Amazing Grace.’ I think he knew Clementha Pinckney…”

      The conversation was on-going at a table across from where I’m taking refuge from ominous weather. As near as I can tell, their names are Stan, Roy and Tommy. All three are African-American. They are gray-beards, firmly ensconced in the demographic labeled ‘active seniors…

      racist act of terror

      Keep your prayers, Nikki…

      by | 9, Add your Comment | Jun 22, 2015
      Dismantle Hate, Black Lives Matter (Candlelight Vigil for Victims of Charleston Mother Emanuel AME Church Shooting) - by Light Brigading

      These past few days I have been frantically trying to wrap my brain around the slaughter of nine African-American men and women at the Emmanuel A.M.E. Church in Charleston S.C last Wednesday night.

      The crime was heinous, profane and an extreme act of cowardice. It was pre-meditated, mindful and calculated. Above all — it was a racist act of terror.

      out to pasture

      Jumped Too Soon?

      by | 5, Add your Comment | May 27, 2015
      Jumped Too Soon?

      You couldn’t wait to retire. Could. Not. Wait.

      In the run-up to retirement, you took stock any number of times. Don’t misunderstand, you told your inner-self for a zillionth time, you enjoyed your career. You did. (Well, mostly you did.) You’d survived every economic downturn since the Nixon Administration (there were six of those suckers), two Middle East oil crises (gas lines stretched to the horizon), more company budget cuts than one cared to count, four company down-sizings…

      home remedies

      The Last Cold Warrior

      by | 6, Add your Comment | May 10, 2015
      Sick man lying in bed suffering cold by Marcos Calvo Mesa and licensed by LikeTheDew.com at 123rf.com

      My current inconvenient and woeful truth is I’ve got the mother of all colds. This misery has all my senses confused and discombobulated …and there’s no relief in sight—at least none that’s not days away. It is times like this that my ‘inner-small boy’ wishes Aunt Lula was still around…

      Lula wasn’t my real aunt. You certainly couldn’t find her name anywhere on the official family tree, the one Mom kept folded up in the family Bible. In Mom’s heart though, Aunt Lula was as official as any blood-relation; they had been best friends since they were toddlers…

      pain in the ass

      Stupid Body Part Tricks

      by | 4, Add your Comment | Nov 8, 2014
      Stupid Body Part Tricks

      I’ve been getting older for awhile now.   The whole thing starts happening around the time I’m  six years old, though truthfully, it’s entirely possible that my aging could have started earlier.  (But since this is my account of the story, we’ll agree it started on my sixth birthday, the one where I was all dressed up in new Roy Rogers regalla as I blew out candles and wished for a birthday pony that never showed up.) For years, ‘my aging’ rolled along in more or less an orderly fashion and at fairly comfortable pace. I paid scant attention to it — except for birthdays, of course. Truth be told, even at an early age, I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the concept of relentlessly getting older.

      shop elsewhere

      A Guns and Butter Gambit

      by | 2, Add your Comment | Oct 22, 2014
      A Guns and Butter Gambit

      One wryly fascinating aspect of achieving “seniority” is that my senses have become more adept at finding free entertainment.  Locating alternative sources of amusement  has become almost a necessity these days.  Daytime television remains abominable, cable TV is objectionally priced (probably by those same pirates who sell inkjet print cartridges) and the ransom one has to give up for seats to  professional sporting events is unconscionable. Also, our local news daily, though not unreasonably priced is but a shell of its former self. It is no longer a joy to read.

      eavesdropping

      “You’d a thought they were pricing meat…”

      by | 4, Add your Comment | Sep 20, 2014
      Man looking at pill bottle in pharmacy

      Mankind has made remarkable progress in every arena of human endeavor except possibly getting Congress to do anything, getting women as hosts on late night tv and getting speedy service from the local pharmacy. Even in this Twenty-First Century, the time it takes to get a fill or refill of a script can take “from here to eternity.”

      Recently, I trudged up to  the neighborhood apothecary for a prescription re-up. It’s toward the end of the work day, the place is crowded and I’m at the end of a long line of folks waiting to be served. None of the folks waiting appears to be in a festive mood.

      dreaming

      Holdin’ Your Mouth Right

      by | 3, Add your Comment | Sep 15, 2014
      Holdin' Your Mouth Right

      If you ask me what makes the world spin around, I’ll tell you it ain’t love or money or even oil from the Middle East. I swear to God, it’s irony — sheer good old-fashioned, unadulterated irony. Sometimes I get the impression the thing has jumped on my back, attached itself like a leech and hung on like the hot Georgia sun in the Dog Days of summer. Irony seems to stalk me wherever I go. Of course, I’m getting a little ahead of myself… Man, I wish I could take credit for that look on her face! I’d like to say it was because of something I’d said that was righteously clever. I can’t though. But, I swear, the look on her was all quirky and bizarre and priceless at the same time…

      superfriend

      Hollywood’s Effect

      by | 3, Add your Comment | Aug 27, 2014
      'Charles Allen Lattimore, Sr.

      Hollywood died last week. No, not that Hollywood, not that Hollywood of a lesser kind–that Hollywood out in La La Land. Rather, it was the real Hollywood, the iconic cherub-cheeked, perpetually smiling man, who cut hair and worked magic over at Murden’s Barber Shop in southwest Atlanta, Ga for almost forty years. Even for some of the legions who know him, ‘Charles Allen Lattimore, Sr.’ could be the answer to a trivia question on TV’s Jeopardy quiz show: ‘What is Hollywood’s real name?’

      long in the tooth

      Do Unto Others, Before They…?

      by | 5, Add your Comment | Aug 17, 2014
      Do Unto Others, Before They...?

      “Blah, blah, blah…, sir.” All I really hear is the “sir.” It’s the cashier at a sparkling new CVS who first catches my ear. ‘Course, she’s wearing glasses.  Maybe the lenses are fogged over and her vision’s obscured, I wonder. She’s  mistaken me for someone older. “Honest mistake…could happen to anybody,” I mumble under my breath.

      world cup futbol

      ‘America’ Briefly Explained to ‘Soccer’

      by | 4, Add your Comment | Jul 14, 2014
      'America' Briefly Explained to 'Soccer'

      Dear Soccer: Congratulations! The World Cup has been truly great. You`ve really outdone yourself this time around. As it turns out, you really ARE a ‘beautiful game.’ You’ve had boffo TV ratings and you’ve inspired a resurgence of U.S. national pride. You’ve even raised our awareness of geography — such as the fact that South America is not really “… Alabama, Mississippi and the parts of Georgia that ain’t Atlanta” as many Americans previously thought. We learned other things too, such as…

      duck and cover

      If Something Happens…

      by | 4, Add your Comment | Jun 22, 2014
      If Something Happens...

      If there’s one thing that scares me to death, it’s death.

      There’s other stuff that terrifies me too, such as going to sleep and waking up as a giant insect, or waking up Republican, but the visit by the Grim Reaper has always been The Big Magilla. The straight up truth is I’m not exactly thrilled none of us is going to live forever.

      computer blues - part II

      Maneater

      by | 3, Add your Comment | May 20, 2014
      Maneater

      Just like my neighbor Carlos’ ferocious, man-eating cocker spaniel — or my Sixth Grade nun — Internet password strength checkers can smell fear on a man: Gotta’ get by me first punk, before you can do anything,” each one of them barks. But again, I’m getting ahead of myself…

      “What do you want first, the good news or the bad news?” The statement is made by the head of the Credit Card Fraud Department of my current bank and former longtime employer. His cramped office is located in the bowels of the bank headquarters building in midtown Atlanta…

      computer blues - part 1

      Fake, Fraud and Schadenfreude

      by | 3, Add your Comment | May 15, 2014
      Fake, Fraud and Schadenfreude

      The truth was that I’d have ponied up a week’s pay to watch the guy — if it was a guy — roll those two monster truck tires on board that Jet Blue flight to California’, two week’s pay to watch him stuff both the behemoths into the overhead baggage compartment. But, I’m getting ahead of myself…

      Every time me and my computer get to a place where we finally understand each other, where we get things worked out between us, something goes awry. The honeymoon does not last for long. The threat to happiness ever after often comes from the outside, in the form of a new and ‘even worse than ever before’ computer virus…

      a brief & sordid history

      Busted Brackets

      by | 2, Add your Comment | Apr 8, 2014
      Busted Brackets

      You promised yourself you would not get involved this time. You knew all about the probabilities … the impossibilities, really. You knew all about the odds against success, heard Nate Silver — or somebody — use five dollar words like “implacable,” “infinitesimal” and “asymptotic” to assure Charlie Rose the odds were ridiculous. And yes, you knew it was a Fool’s Notion for a grown man — someone who should know better — to think he had even a ghost of a chance of predicting the outcome of a 63 game string. There were too many X-factors a mere mortal couldn’t possibly know. Even the players and the hangers-on had no clue. Not even that Neil DeGrasse Tyson guy or Johnny Cochran, if he were still alive, could manage it.

      sochi

      Larry, Moe… and Curling?

      by | 1, Add your Comment | Feb 6, 2014
      Larry, Moe... and Curling?

      Moments before, I’d accidentally dropped the TV remote. The thing must’ve flopped on the floor at some crazy-ass angle and flipped the channel to something else. I’d been laughing at a Saturday afternoon Three Stooges Marathon. Now, at the very top of the hour, an announcer, Jim McKay tells me I am about to enjoy “…the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.”

      tipping points

      Death, Taxes and Steel

      by | 1, Add your Comment | Jan 17, 2014
      Death, Taxes and Steel

      Every Blue Moon or so, comes another heretofore unfathomable, unthinkable, damn near frightening moments that causes me to come to the stark realization that life as we know it has very likely just changed forever — and nothing will ever be the same. The first of these moments I remember came in the Seventies when somebody came up with the bright idea you could actually charge people fees for stuff that had previously been free forever…

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