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Sunday, December 17, 2017
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  • Writer Login


    Frederick Palmer

    Frederick Palmer
    Writer, painter, Registered Nurse and teller of tales true and untrue who loves nice people, lives in the woods, had a big heart attack, grew up by a funeral home, plays with dogs, makes music sometimes and likes watching people. Loves creativity and strange ideas.
    Number of posts: 7
    Email address: email
    Google+: Google+

    By Frederick Palmer:


      Never Forget

      Sensible Gun Control… NOW!

      by | 10, Add your Comment | Dec 15, 2012
      Sensible Gun Control... NOW!

      If you have an argument for opposing sensible gun control that is more convincing than the broken bodies of twenty little kids who were counting the days until Christmas, then by all means, let’s hear it. Your precious second amendment, if you actually read it, gives citizens the right to keep and bear arms for the purpose of maintaining a ready militia. At the time this amendment was passed the only arms they knew and could foresee were muzzle loading, black powder, single shot, flint lock smooth bore muskets and pistols. You cannot pass legislation that will ever keep people from going crazy; but you can take the weapons of mass murder out of their hands.

      A Tale of Two Nieces

      Mrs. Sullivan’s Testicles

      by | 0, Add your Comment | Dec 7, 2012
      Mrs. Sullivan's Testicles

      Rachel wasn’t very old yet. She was very cute, but not very old. In fact, it was the first year she got to ride the school bus with her big sister Sarah and Sarah wasn’t very old either. She may have been in third grade. If I were to find out it was the fourth grade I’d be very surprised. Mrs. Sullivan was the bus driver for school bus number 64 that year and all the kids liked her. She always talked to the kids and teased with the older ones. She looked after the little ones too, making sure they looked happy, healthy and found a seat without any problem. None of the kids on Mrs. Sullivan’s bus ever caused any real problems for her; not even the boys, which was an enviable state of affairs among school bus drivers.

      Merry Saturnalia

      The Auto Trashing of Christmas

      by | 2, Add your Comment | Nov 29, 2012
      On the occassion of Winter Solstice (or Summer Solstice for Southern Hemisphere-ers), Saturnalia, Yule, Jul, Jo’l, Sabbat, Dong Shi, Shabe Yalda, Lussinatten, Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, Christmas, Joyeux Noel, Feliz Navidad, Feliz Natal, Blithe Yule, Nodig Mhaith Chugnat, Meri Kurisumasu, Frohe Weihnacht, Boze Narodzenie, Zalig Kerstfeest, Prieci’gus Ziemsve’tkus, Dia de los Tres Reyes, Les Posadas, Nikolaus Tag, etc., Hanukkah, Chanukah, Chanukkah, Hanukah, Feast Of Lights, Feast Of Dedication, Ramadan, Eid Al-Fitr, Kwanzaa, Festival Of The Sun, The God Of The Sun, Wiracocha, Is Honored, Bodhi Day, Rohatsu, Soyal, Yalda, Omisoka, Fiesta Of Our Lady Of Guadalupe, Advent, Herbergsuche, Saint Lucia’s Day, Barbarazweig, Frauentragen, New Year’s, Kalends, etc., Midvinterblot, Lenaea (The Festival of Wild Women), Pearl Harbor Day, 21st Amendment Day, Bill Of Rights Day, Apollo 17 Day, Boston Tea Party Day, Wright Brothers Day, Rosa Parks Day, Abolition Day, Holocaust Remembrance Day, Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month, Aplastic Anemia Awareness Week, World Aids Day, Human Rights Day, International Disabled Persons Day, National Lemon Cupcake Day, National Chocolate Covered Anything Day, National Maple Syrup Day, National Bouillabaisse Day, National Roast Suckling Pig Day, Oatmeal Muffin Day, Hamburger Day, National Fritter Day, National Date Nut Bread Day, Cotton Candy Day, Ice Cream Day, Brownie Day, Pumpkin Pie Day, Eggnog Day, Overtip Your Wait Staff Week, Opposites Attract Day, Flake Appreciation Day, Underdog Day, Eat A Red Apple Day, Bathtub Fun Day, Boxing Day, Serpent Days, Be Really Mean To Cats Month, Bad Hair Day, To Be Born On Christmas Day Day, Look On The Bright Side Day, Wear Brown Shoes Day, Take It In Your Ear Day, National Roof Over Your Head Day, National Mood Ring Day, National Ding-A-Ling Day, Bonza Bottler Day, Pawnbrokers Day, Violins Day, Poinsettia Day, Stupid Toy Day, Wear A Plunger on Your Head Day, Maritime Day, Bowl Season, Cookie Cutter Week, Generic Religious Holiday, Generic Secular Holiday, Generic Commercially Sponsored Holiday, Generic Cause Related Awareness Holiday, Generic Anniversary Related Holiday, Birthday - celebrity or otherwise, Make Up Your Mind Day, International Calendar Awareness Month, The arrival of family, All of the above. In acknowledgement and/or honor and/or celebration of endorsement of said holidays, either in whole or in part or by way of omission conducting Yule rituals involving holly, pine, mistletoe, good friends, music, food, drink and dancing while: Conversing, Imbibing, Engorging, Ensconcing, Interacting, Entreating, Inuring, Invigorating, Engaging, Ingratiating, Enthralling, Enjoying, Reveling, Rejoicing, Revering, Remembering, Forgetting, Beseeching The Sun God’s Return, Giving Honor To The Intertwining Of God And Goddess , To Bring Forth Fertile Crops, Herds And Families, Aligning With The Rhythms Of The Earth And The Moon, Making Merry (Not To Be Confused With Mary). Waiting With Great Anticipation For: The Holly King, The Oak King, Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, St. Nicholas, Sinterklaas, Grandfather Frost, Julenisse, The Grinch, Scrooge, Knecht Ruprecht, Krampus, Bartl, Boozenickel, Rumpelklas, Pelznickel, A Presidential Recall, Zwarte Piet, Frey, Your ride home, or All of the above.

      Sitting on the front porch an hour or so before sundown, slipping out of your shoes and listening to fiddle and guitar isn’t such a bad way to finish up the day. If someone is willing to get off their rocker long enough to fetch libations, then so much the better. This is Old Virginny. You know, “back where the cotton, corn and taters used to grow.” Right here where the Appalachians meet the Blue Ridge Mountains you could say we’ve pretty much got it all. Only thing about having it all, though, is that all just naturally includes one or two things you could really do just as well without; like the particularly unsavory odor that sometimes blows up the hills and through the hollows polluting the crisp December air. It’s nothing less than the foul smell of mendacity

      Answers to Everything

      Grandma’s Bloomers

      by | 1, Add your Comment | Nov 20, 2012
      Grandma's Bloomers

      “Ultimately it is a matter of self defense, an attempt to condition male thinking. That is the reason women will say size does not matter. Tertiam Quidd, 1982

      Back in 1967 Miss Debbie was just a cute little coed making the most of every blessing Mother Nature had given her. She was smart. It’s already been mentioned that she was cute and though I never saw her soaking wet, my guess is that even then she still would have smelled a whole lot better than a wet dog. Southern ladies are like that; they seem to have a naturally pleasing fragrance about them that a drop or two of rain or even a bit of the sparkle with which they glisten on particularly hot days only seems to enhance their delicate bouquet. They are delicious I assure you.

      Q's Rule

      Laughing Gas

      by | 2, Add your Comment | Nov 15, 2012
      Laughing Gas

      We take ourselves way too seriously. My friend Q says she draws the line on silliness, however, at farting in public. I think most people around the whole world agree with her. You hardly ever hear the expulsion of intestinal gas during a public or social gathering and when you do it’s usually some old person who can’t help it. Like me. But we all know there’s plenty of it around. We’ve just been told that letting it escape in the presence of others isn’t nice. Maybe it isn’t. Q’s Rule, as we’ll call the socially accepted boundaries on flatulence, seems to be observed by nearly everyone.

      Daughters of the South

      Family Secrets with a Side of Grits

      by | 1, Add your Comment | Nov 12, 2012
      Family Secrets with a Side of Grits

      “With the loss of honor the depths to which we may sink are unfathomable.” – Tertiam Quidd, 1972

      In the Old South, ladies are prohibited by custom and by fashion from crawling under trucks and buses just to have a look around and assure themselves that everything down there is just the way God intended it to be. My lovely daughter in law, Ms. Trisha, was born in the South and born a lady. A genuine Southern Belle and native of Charleston, South Carolina is what she i

      Billions Wasted

      I’m Frederick J. and I Approve This Message

      by | 2, Add your Comment | Nov 9, 2012
      I'm Frederick J. and I Approve This Message

      Regardless of the outcome of this 2012 national election, first and foremost I am so glad it has finally ended. On voting day, long before the polls had closed and the returns started to come in I felt once more like a ten year old boy on the last day of school at the beginning of summer vacation. I believe we have all just witnessed what can only be called national insanity. Lack of substance, ridiculous sums of money and the encouragement of divisiveness and disrespect are, for me, what characterized the elections of 2012.

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