Once again, President Tweety has claimed that Americans who march in protest of his policies or of him personally are doing so for pay. His latest accusation came in a tweet on Easter Sunday, one day after citizens in cities as far flung as New York and Birmingham hit the streets to demand that he release his tax returns.
I am going to take him at his word that events like these are orchestrated and funded as part of a vast left-wing conspiracy. And I would like to ask a simple question: Where do I sign up?
I have been protesting for free, but I would like to have something to show for my patriotic efforts besides sunburn and sore feet.
There have been reports that I’ve seen in the right-wing media that indicate that George Soros is picking up the tab. Or was it George Clooney? Anyway, whoever it is — George Clinton, George of the Jungle, Curious George — I am awaiting marching orders and a check. And I am assuming, given that this is some liberal’s plot, that the pay is above minimum wage.
So far I have only attended rallies and protests in Athens, my home town, and in Atlanta. I have asked protesters I have encountered who recruited them and how much they’re getting, but nobody has admitted to it. In fact, they scoff or get offended or look at me like I’m crazy: “Are you kidding? He’s a pig.”
Sure. Just what a hired conspirator would say.
I want in on this. No more pro bono. I am a one-man coalition of the willing. For the right price I’ll go anywhere. I am kind of like Paladin: Have “Not My President” sign, will travel.
In many ways, I would be an ideal recruit. I’m a white guy with short hair. I own khakis and polo shirts. I am retired but still ambulatory. I’m pensioner who could use the extra income, senior discounts notwithstanding. Also, my wife believes I spend way too much time on Facebook and need to get out more.
So, if one of the Georges or whomever is bankrolling these anti-Trump protests is reading this, please use the comments section below to give me an address or phone number. I’ll make contact. I would list my home address, but you know how it is. There are trolls out there, and gun nuts.
I am ready to fatten my wallet. I will also protest for food, but I would expect at least Zaxby’s if we are talking coupons instead of cash.
To the barricades. And the bank.