destruction of american values

The Creation of Adam by Donald

President Donald Trump tweeted Friday that he’s done more in his first seven days than God did.

“He did a lot,” Trump tweeted. “I’d be the first to admit that. I’m a devout man. But this week, Lordy, kind of hard to trump Trump!”

According to the Biblical account, God created the entire universe in seven days. Trump spokesperson Kellyanne Conway conceded Friday “that was a remarkable achievement, in its own right.

“But, God didn’t have the liberal press questioning his every motive either, asking ‘what’s this about ‘let there be firmament in the midst of the waters?’ Isn’t that a violation of EPA regulations?’ That kind of baloney.”

“I’ll just be perfectly clear with you guys. God is easy. Trump is hard.”

In seven days Trump has issued executive orders to roll back environmental regulations and push ahead with the construction of oil pipelines and the strip mining of coal. He renounced the Trans-Pacific trade agreement. He launched an investigation into voter fraud. He begun the repeal of the Affordable Care Act. He stopped foreign aid funds for organizations that support abortion rights. He begun a crack-down on immigration and the construction of a border wall with Mexico.

Democrat strategist Ralph Stevens mocked Trump’s boast during an interview on CNN.

“He hasn’t created anything,” he told Wolf Blitzer. “All he’s done is dismantle and destroy the best intentions and highest and noblest ideals that America stands for. But, I’ll say this. He’s done that fast — like crap through a goose.”

Trump later tweeted: “You QUACK me up. Loser!”

In a caustic and volatile afternoon White House press conference, White House spokesman Sean Spicer berated reporters who questioned Trump’s claim to have outperformed God in his first seven days.

“The Almighty should thank his lucky stars that the President even mentioned Him in a Tweet,” said Spicer. “And there was actually a Pew study a few years ago that found there is no such thing as God! Just a bunch of fake photographs of a manger and some guy with a beard and a big walking stick.

“Can you guys just stick to facts?”

Spicer declined to answer follow-up questions from reporters asking him to clarify exactly what he meant by the manger and the man with a beard and walking stick comment.

Several Bible scholars told the Associated Press it was probably a reference to the Biblical account of the birth of Jesus Christ, whom Christians believe is the Son of God, and to Moses, an older bearded man who led the Jews out of bondage in Egypt, a long walk that is believed to have required a cane.

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Image: A composite image created for LikeTheDew.com using "The Creation of Adam" by Michelangelo via Michelangelo.org (public domain) and adding a profile of the new guy borrowed from web (fair use).
Jeffry Scott

Jeffry Scott

Jeffry Scott is a former staff reporter for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution where, over the course of 24 years, he covered two of the biggest trials in the city's history -- the racketeering trial of former mayor Bill Campbell, and the trial of courthouse shooter, Brian Nichols -- and wrote features on travel, food, politics, movies, TV and advertising, and covered breaking news on the metro desk. He left the paper two years ago and is living, quite happily, in St. Petersburg, Fla., as a freelance writer.