One says it can clean your face, your body, and prevent microbe borne disease.
The other focuses on sewage and promises to clean up all clogged systems, sewage related or not.
A contest was held to see which product was more popular.
When it was apparent that people would choose a clean face and body and disease prevention, the Drano producers decided to tout their product as a suppository laxative.
Still behind in popularity, Drano claimed to have special facial enhancement properties far superior to Ivory soap.
Drano still lagged behind.
An ex-plumber working at the patent office discovered that the circle around the “R” on Ivory’s registered trademark was oblong rather than a circle.
“Take this product from the shelves!” was the cry from the Drano people and all the plumbers in the land. Others cried out, “99 and 44/100% pure what?” Others claimed that Ivory didn’t float.
At last the Drano products pulled ahead in popularity.
Perhaps half of those in favor of Drano started using it as a facial cream and laxative. Most of the poisoning and burning killed them. Those who had survived were disfigured with permanently damaged digestive systems. They feared they would forever be thought deplorable.
The land had suffered a great misfortune having lost so many who had believed the absurd lies. As the Drano survivors lost their jobs and their healthcare, they looked to their government for help. Most of those in red states found employment benefits limited to as few as 12 weeks and their healthcare limited to the emergency room. They appealed to their disfigured representatives in Congress who vowed to repeal the healthcare law so the free market could help them, investigate the claims of Ivory soap, and lower taxes in order for the job creators to trickle on them.
Meanwhile those who continued washing with Ivory remained beautiful in all their shapes, sizes and colors – though regrettably, many had stopped-up pipes.