truth – google it

 “Sometimes, I go on the internet and just tell lies” – George Washington

When President Obama said, at the Democratic National Convention, that Hillary Clinton is better prepared to occupy the Oval Office than any previous aspirant, he had no idea how right he was. This woman has powers that mere mortals don’t. She’s way past bitch all the way to witch. I mean literally. I know because I read it on the Internet.

Think about it. Forty people who were slated to testify to her criminal malfeasance in letting the American Consulate at Benghazi, Libya, get incinerated have all been murdered. And although my Facebook informant is kind of shaky on the details, he’s absolutely certain that her involvement, whatever it was, earned her summary execution. Maybe she offed the potential witnesses herself. Or maybe she recruited assassins to do her dirty work. If that’s the way it went down, then are we looking for a single doer or a whole gang of them? And who were the victims exactly? All in the diplomatic corps or the military? And if so, ours or those of other countries? And where were the dastardly deeds done? Here? Or was she outsourcing? She’s big on outsourcing, you know. NAFTA? Hello. Well, except when she’s not.

If you’re thinking about now how preposterous this all is considering that she hasn’t actually been charged with so much as rearranging a hair on anybody’s head, you don’t get it. The fact that she’s never been charged is proof positive that the federales are totally in the tank for her. I mean U. S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch and Deputy Attorney General Sally Yates are both double X-chromosomes just like Clinton. What more do you need to know?

True enough, for them to get involved, Clinton’s depredations would have to raise federal issues, whereas murders typically are prosecuted at the local and state level. But how much of a stretch is it really to think that she’d subvert as many jurisdictions as she has to to save her guilty butt? States? Counties? Whole other countries? Whatever it takes—right?—to avoid a fate sort of like what befell Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney’s Chief of Staff. Libby was disbarred, has a felony on his record, did some community service and got on with his life. Who can doubt that Clinton would commit forty murders and corrupt who knows how many jurisdictions to avoid something like that? Oh, the shame!

Obviously, she can do all this stuff without breaking a sweat. She’s already rigged 34 primaries and caucuses to get the Democratic nomination, even though it’s the state parties that run these shows. Didn’t slow her down for a nanosecond, though. Her tentacles are everywhere. We know she stole the nomination because Julian Assange showed us all those hacked emails that caught out Democratic National Committee staffers saying mean things about Bernie Sanders. You think she doesn’t have superhuman powers that would make Wonder Woman weep with envy? She pulled off with ease what Richard Nixon tried to and couldn’t, costing him the Presidency and forever linking him in infamy to Watergate.

Donald Trump, the self-styled macho man, is a joke next to Hillary. Yeah, he’s so brazen that he lies whenever his lips are moving, but otherwise he’s a pathetic wuss, low energy like he said Jeb! Bush is. All Trump’s done is crash a bunch of businesses and defraud some unsuspecting aspiring real estate tycoons. But for all his bluster about how “small” his “hands” are not, thank you very much, he doesn’t have a single murder, not one, to his credit, let alone forty like Clinton does. And that’s not even counting Vince Foster!

So we can all relax. When Hillary is elected–make that “elected” –ISIS and Putin will be done, so over they won’t even notice that they’ve been taken down by A GIRL.

Trust me, it’s all on the Internet.


Image: The mime “Sometimes, I go on the internet and just tell lies” – George Washington used in this story was created for, but it was inspired thousands of similar creations ubiquitous to the web. The portrait of George Washington (1732–99) by Gilbert Stuart is public domain via

Leon Galis

I'm an Athens, GA, native and have been living in Athens since 1999 after retiring from the faculty of Franklin and Marshall College in Lancaster, PA. Since 2008 I've written approximately 80 columns for the Athens Banner Herald and a handful for Flagpole Magazine in Athens.