Follow us: Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Google+ Follow us on Linkedin Follow us on Tumblr Subscribe to our RSS or Atom feed
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
Southern Weather Radar


Our Writers

  • Adam Peck
  • Alan Gordon
  • Alex Kearns
  • Alex Seitz-Wald
  • Alice Murray
  • Allison Korn
  • Alyssa Cagle
  • Amanda Marcotte
  • Amanda Peterson Beadle
  • Andrea Grimes
  • Andrea Lee Meyer
  • Andrew Bowen
  • Andy Brack
  • Andy Kopsa
  • Andy Miller
  • Andy Schmookler
  • Ann Marie Pace
  • Ann Woolner & Leonard Ray Teel
  • Anna Dolianitis
  • Anna Forbes and Kate Ryan
  • Annelise Thim
  • Anoni Muss
  • April Adams
  • April Moore
  • Ariel Harris
  • Armando
  • Arthur Blaustein
  • Austen Risolvato
  • Austin McMurria
  • Barry Hollander
  • Bert Roughton III
  • Beth Ostlund
  • Betsey Dahlberg
  • Bill Caton
  • Bill Hamm
  • Bill Mankin
  • Bill Montgomery
  • Bill Moyers & Michael Winship
  • Bill Phillips
  • Bill Semple
  • Bill Tush
  • Billy Howard
  • Bob Bohanan
  • Bob Pritchard
  • Booth Malone
  • Bootsie Lucas
  • Boyd Lewis
  • Brad Clayton
  • Braden Goyette For ProPublica
  • Brandon Collins
  • Brett Martin
  • Brian Randall
  • Brianna Peterson
  • Bruce Dixon
  • Bruce E. Levine
  • Burton Cox
  • Candice Dyer
  • Carl Kline
  • Carol Carter
  • Carson M. Lamb
  • Casey Hayden
  • Cathleen Hulbert
  • Center for American Progress
  • Chantille Cook
  • Charles Finn
  • Charles O. Hendrix Jr.
  • Charles Seabrook
  • Charles Walston
  • Chelsea Toledo
  • Chelsey Willis
  • Chris Bowers
  • Chris Kromm
  • Chris Wohlwend
  • Christopher Burdette
  • Chrys B. Graham
  • Chuck Collins
  • Cliff Green
  • Cody Maxwell
  • Collin Kelley
  • Craig Miller
  • Crissinda Ponder
  • Dallas Lee
  • Dan Kennedy
  • Daniel Flynn
  • Daniel K. Williams
  • Daniel Palmer
  • Danny Fulks
  • Dante Atkins
  • Darby Britto
  • Dave Cooley
  • Dave Johnson
  • Dave Pruett
  • David Bradford
  • David Evans
  • David Harris-Gershon
  • David Jenks
  • David Kyler
  • David Parker
  • David Roberts
  • David Rotenstein
  • David Swanson
  • Dean Baker
  • Deb Barshafsky
  • Debbie Houston
  • Deborah Chasteen
  • Denise Oliver Velez
  • Dennis McCarthy
  • Desiree Evans
  • Dian Cai
  • Diana
  • Diane Rooks
  • Dina Rasor
  • Dindy Yokel
  • Doc
  • Don Lively
  • Don O'Briant
  • Donnie Register
  • Door Guy
  • Doug Couch
  • Doug Cumming
  • Dr. Brian Moench
  • Dr. Dorothy Ann Boyd-Bragg
  • Dr. Nick De Bonis
  • Dr. Ravi Batra
  • E. David Ferriman
  • Earl Fisher
  • Eden Landow
  • Eileen Dight
  • Eleanor Ringel Cater
  • Elizabeth Shugg
  • Ellen Brown
  • Elliott Brack
  • Erin Kotecki Vest
  • Fatima Najiy
  • FishOutofWater
  • Francisco Silva
  • Frank Povah
  • Fred Brown
  • Frederick Palmer
  • Gadi Dechter, Michael Ettlinger
  • Gail Kiracofe
  • Gaius
  • Georgia Logothetis
  • Gib Ennis
  • Gina Williams
  • Gita M. Smith
  • Glenn Carroll
  • Glenn Overman
  • Gordon Anderson
  • Gregory C. Dixon
  • Gryphon Corpus
  • Hamp Skelton
  • Harriet Barr
  • Heather Boushey
  • Henry Dreyer
  • Henry Foresman
  • Hollis B. Ball III
  • Hugh
  • Hyde Post
  • Ian Kim
  • Ian Millhiser
  • Isabel Owen
  • Ivy Brashear
  • J.A. Myerson
  • Jack deJarnette
  • Jack Wilkinson
  • Jacklyn C. Citero
  • Jake Olzen
  • James Hataway
  • James Marc Leas
  • James N. Maples
  • Janet Ward
  • Jasmine Burnett
  • Jason Palmer
  • Jason Parker
  • Jay Thompson
  • Jaz Brisack
  • Jeff Cochran
  • Jeff Davis
  • Jeff Rayno
  • Jeff Spross
  • Jeffry Scott
  • Jennifer Hill
  • Jesse Harwell
  • Jessica Luton
  • Jim Allen
  • Jim Bentley and Jeff Nesmith
  • Jim Clark
  • Jim Cobb
  • Jim Fitzgerald
  • Jim Newell
  • Jim Stovall
  • Jim Walls
  • Jim Warren
  • Jimmy Booth
  • Jing Luo
  • Jingle Davis
  • JL Strickland
  • Joan Donovan
  • Jodi Jacobson
  • Jody Wegmueller
  • Joe Earle
  • Joe Shifalo
  • Joel Groover
  • Joey Ledford
  • John A. Tures
  • John Dembowski
  • John Hickman
  • John Hickman with Sarah Bartlett
  • John Huie
  • John M. Williams
  • John Manasso
  • John Sugg
  • John Tabellione
  • John Yow
  • Jon Sinton
  • Jonathan Grant
  • Jonathan Odell
  • Joni Hunnicutt
  • Jonna Pattillo
  • Joseph B. Atkins
  • Joseph Gatins
  • Josh Dorner
  • Josh Sewell
  • Joy Moses
  • Judith Stough
  • Judy McCarthy
  • Juli Ward
  • Julian Bond
  • Julian Riggs Smith
  • Julianne Wyrick
  • Julie Ajinkya
  • Julie Puckett Fodera
  • Just Plain Will
  • Kaili Joy Gray
  • Kate Greer
  • Kate McNally
  • Katherine A. Edmonds
  • Kathleen Brewin Lewis
  • Kathleen Harbin
  • Kathleen R. Gegan
  • Kathryn Hoffman
  • KC Wildmoon
  • Keith Graham
  • Ken Edelstein
  • Ken Haldin
  • Ken Hawkins
  • Ken Peacock
  • Kevin Austin
  • Kevin Duffy
  • Kip Burke
  • Kirk McAlpin
  • Kirsten Barr
  • Kos Moulitsas
  • Kristie Macrakis
  • Lacey Avery
  • Lamont Cranston
  • Laura Clawson
  • Laura Smith
  • Laurence Lewis
  • Lawrence S. Wittner
  • Lee Leslie
  • Lee Robin
  • Leon Galis
  • Leonce Gaiter
  • Les Eatwell
  • LikeTheDew
  • Linda Hunt Beckman
  • Linda Jordan Tucker
  • Lisa Byerley Gary
  • Lisa Kerr
  • Lois Beckett, Propublica
  • Lorraine Berry
  • Louie Crew Clay
  • Louis Mayeux
  • Lovell Jones, Ph.D.
  • Lucy Emerson Sullivan
  • Lucy Guest
  • Maggie Lee
  • Maisha White
  • Mandy Richburg Rivers
  • Margi Ness
  • Marian Wang, ProPublica
  • Marie Diamond
  • Mark Dohle
  • Mark Johnson
  • Mark Sumner
  • Martha W. Fagan
  • Mary Civille
  • Mary Elizabeth King
  • Mary Kay Andrews
  • Mary Lee
  • Mary Willis Cantrell
  • Matt Blakely
  • Matt Johnson
  • Matt Musick
  • Matt Renner
  • Matthew Wright
  • Maurice Carter
  • Meg Livergood Gerrish
  • Meghan Miller
  • Melanie Rochat
  • Melinda Ennis
  • Michael Bailey
  • Michael Beckel
  • Michael Castengera
  • Michael Ettlinger
  • Michael J. Solender
  • Michael Linden
  • Michael Lux
  • Michael W. Twitty
  • Mike ”Hunter” Lazzaro
  • Mike Copeland
  • Mike Cox
  • Mike Handley
  • Mike Lofgren
  • Mike Ludwig
  • Mike Williams
  • Mimi Skelton
  • Moni Basu
  • Monica Smith
  • Murray Browne
  • Myra Blackmon
  • Nancy Melton
  • Nancy Puckett
  • Nancy Robinson
  • Nancy Rogers
  • Neill Herring
  • Nelly McDaid
  • Nikki Gardner
  • Niles Reddick
  • Noel Holston
  • Occupy Wall Street
  • Overman & Senn
  • Pamela Sumners
  • Pat Garofalo
  • Pat LaMarche
  • Pat Norman
  • Patrick Andendall
  • Patrick L. Ledford
  • Patsy Dickey
  • Patti Ghezzi
  • Paul Buchheit
  • Paul Krupin
  • Paul Rutledge
  • Paul Thim
  • Pete & Jack
  • Peter Crawford
  • Peter Turnbull
  • Phil Gast
  • Phil Noble
  • Philip Graitcer
  • Phyllis Alesia Perry
  • Phyllis Gilbert
  • Piney Woods Pete
  • Polly
  • R S
  • R.L. Miller
  • Rafael Alvarez
  • Randy Conway
  • Randy Schiltz
  • Ray Bearfield
  • Raymond L. Atkins
  • Reagan Walker
  • Rebecca Sive
  • Ric Latarski
  • Richard Eisel
  • Righton C. Willis
  • Rob Chambers
  • Rob Coppock
  • Rob Douthit
  • Robert Allen
  • Robert Dardenne
  • Robert E Hunt Jr
  • Robert Jensen
  • Robert Lamb
  • Robert M. Williams, Jr.
  • Robert Mashburn
  • Robert Weiner & Richard Mann
  • Robin Marty
  • Rodney Adams
  • Roger Gregory
  • Ron Feinberg
  • Ron Taylor
  • Rose Aguilar
  • Rose Weaver
  • Rosemary Griggs
  • Russ Wellen
  • Sam Morton
  • Sao Magnifico
  • Sara Amis
  • Sarah Ayres
  • Sarah Bufkin
  • Saralyn Chesnut
  • Scott Anna
  • Scott Borchert
  • Scott Keyes
  • Scott Wooledge
  • Sean Manion
  • Seth Cline
  • Shane Gilreath
  • Sharon M. Riley
  • Shay Dawkins
  • Sheffield Hale
  • Sheila Barnard Nungesser
  • Sigrid Sanders
  • SoniaTai
  • Sonya Collins
  • Soraya Chemaly
  • Spencer Lawton
  • Stephanie Taylor
  • Stephen Lacey
  • Stephen Wingeier
  • Steve King
  • Steve Krodman
  • Steve Valk
  • Stuart Liss
  • Sue Sturgis
  • Sujigu
  • Susan De Bonis
  • Susan Soper
  • Susan Wilson
  • Suz Korbel
  • Tammy Andrews
  • Tammy Ingram
  • Tanya Somanader
  • Ted Kooser
  • Terri Evans
  • The Barnacle Goose
  • Thomas A. Bledsoe
  • Tiger Liliuokalani
  • Tim Oliver
  • Timothy Freeman
  • Timothy Hurst
  • Tom Baxter
  • Tom Crawford
  • Tom Ferguson
  • Tom Millsop
  • Tom Poland
  • Tom Walker
  • Travis Waldron
  • Travis Waldron & Pat Garofalo
  • Trevor Stone Irvin
  • Tricia Collins
  • Troubadour
  • Valerie Evans
  • Viveca Novak
  • Waldron, Somanader & Garofalo
  • Walter Rhett
  • Wanda Argersinger
  • Wayne Countryman
  • Wayne Johnson
  • We The People
  • Will Cantrell
  • Will Nelson
  • William Cotter
  • William Hedgepeth
  • Yana Kunichoff
  • Yasmin Vafa
  • Zack Beauchamp
  • Zack Ford
  • Zaid Jilani
  • Zaina Budayr




  • Writer Login


    satire on the campaign trail

    America’s Savior is A. Tad Semple

    by | 6 | Jun 21, 2016

    “Yes We Canada” from AmericaButBetter.comMy brother and sister Americans, let me introduce myself: my name is Arturo Tad Semple. Fearing someone might think I liked longhair classical music, or read books, or attended foreign movies, or watched PBS, or was born in Italy or France, or god forbid, Kenya, I dropped the “Arturo” years ago in favor of just a simple, less confusing “A.” I hope this information makes it easier to understand why I am known as A. Tad Semple.

    I prefer it that way. It is an unique name and is easy to remember. And it fits me.

    My grandmother always told me that what is sauce for the goose is batter for the rooster, and I am hereby revealing my plan to jump into the popping hot grease of the nation’s political skillet and announce my candidacy for the presidency of the United States — or “Newnited” States if you listen to Reverend Jimmy Swaggart. And who doesn’t?

    Let me say up front that I don’t believe in anything that Franklin D. Roosevelt ever did as president; and I don’t believe in light beer, low-calorie cheese, global warming, songs that can’t be sung by a three-year old child, taxing rich people, Social Security, Medicare, Welfare, Medicaid, Ralph Nader, Pell grants, Michael Moore, gay puppets on TV, unemployment benefits, or remakes of John Wayne movies. Not necessarily in that order.

    Speaking of movies, there damn sho’ don’t need to be all that cussin’ in movies. To a real god-fearing American there is no more sacred place than the picture show.

    In fact when I’m elected, I guarantee you that the polio treatment center that FDR created at Warm Springs, Georgia, will be torn down and replaced with a bank, or a Wall Street southern annex; or at least a pay-day loan company. Something that serves the common good.

    Ill health is a a punishment from God. Those struck with physical afflictions are supposed to suffer. Roosevelt interfered with God’s plan.
    Or the Warm Springs Institute for Rehabilitation, as it’s called now, could be used as a holding pen for illegal aliens while they’re are waiting to be deported to Mexico, regardless of their country of origin. Roosevelt’s fascist hospital, which is nothing but a temple to communist, liberal, socialist lunacy, like every other satanic thing ol’ Frank forced on unwitting Americans, cannot stand! It is a choking stench in Uncle Sam’s nostrils.

    To prevent any doubt of where I stand on the environment, let me say upfront that I believe global warming is a monumental hoax created by Al Gore and his nerdy friends. Al and his effete bunch are still angry because Al didn’t get to be president just because he won the election, as if that were a valid reason. And they came up with this global warming crap to get even. What a bunch of semi-gay sorehead whiners!

    Isn’t it about time the lefties stopped crowing about Bill Clinton balancing the budget and leaving a surplus in the treasury? Obviously, Slick Willie didn’t leave enough surplus or it wouldn’t have disappeared so quickly. That alleged surplus disappeared before Dubya Bush got his second war started. Luckily, he did get the taxes cut on all his struggling millionaire and billionaire friends. Whew! That was a close one.
    There’s nothing worse than having a used yacht tied up at your dock when all your friends have a new boat.

    Everyone knows that Clinton was probably lying about that surplus – he was lying about everything else. He even went on television and confessed that he lied about dallying with that pudgy girl. You’ll never hear a conservative admit that he did anything wrong. Never! A true conservative regards telling the truth as a character flaw.

    As a true conservative, I’ve outgrown the Tea Party and am now affiliated with the Neo-Flat Earth Society, or the NFES, also known as the Neefies. As the first Neefy elected to the presidency, A. Tad Semple promises to remove the teaching of evolution from the schools, not to mention the teaching of ovulation. Nobody needs to hear that stuff in mixed company. Our nether regions get enough attention as it is.
    Moreover, I will go farther than that. I promise to remove the teaching of photosynthesis from science classes. Photosynthesis never made a lick of sense to me. I don’t believe a word of it. I’ll never believe a common weed is capable of a feat that is beyond the expertise of Monsanto or even the NASCAR Petty Racing Team.

    But, my main goal is to eliminate free school lunches for poor kids. This outrage has gone on long enough. Those of us who attend $35,000 a plate political dinners know there is no such thing as a free lunch. A underprivileged child can’t learn this valuable lesson in reality soon enough. Coddling them makes them weak.

    It’s high time Maw Maw and Paw Paw got off the Social Security gravy train. They can get off their wrinkled butts and go to work. I don’t want to hear that guff about all the jobs being sent to China and Pakistan, neither. There are boats leaving every day headed that way. They can get on one.

    There is an answer to our nation’s problems. And it is A. Tad Semple.

    ###
    • Images: This image, which has absolutely nothing to do with this story, is from a poster entitled, “Yes We Canada” from AmericaButBetter.com - the license for use is a tad unclear other than “Download here - Wallpaper a home. Tease a neighbour. Wear your support. Did you say screensaver?Embarrass your parents. Force a political conversation.” We take that as fair use, but would unabashedly take it down if they ask, but probably wouldn't if you just bought their book, America But Better: The Canada Party Manifesto, by by Chris Cannon and Brian Calvert - they say that it is, "Packed full of provocative thought pieces and delicious post-apocalyptic recipes."

     

    Print Friendly, PDF & Email

     

    • David

      I’ve just changed my vote from Trevor to you, a true man of the people.

      • Trevor Irvin

        Dave, you lousy turncoat!!! When I’m elected (and defeat the knee-ferious NFES party) you will pay a heavy price! You’re off my vice-president short list and Will is back on.
        Regards,
        T

        • David

          I thought you sold Will on eBay the way Trump auctioned off Christie to raise campaign funds? Besides, I want the Interior portfolio so I don’t have to pay to visit the parks.

          • JL Strickland

            Boys, boys, stop arguing. When A.Tad Semple is elected, government Cabinet jobs, senators and congressmen will be elected like being picked for jury duty. People will open their mailboxes, and — voila!-- discover they have been appointed to high office for a while.

            I.e., there will be enough seats on the gravy train to go around.

            • David

              Just so long as I get more of that gravy than Trevor to sop up.

            • JL Strickland

              Make sure to bring a bigger spoon.

  • Worthy of Comment






  • Everything You Know About
    Thanksgiving is WRONG
    Decoded MTV News



  • Come Back, Barack - SNL



  • Green Day - Back In The USA



  • "The Elections Are Rigged" Arnold Schwarzenegger On Trump, Congress, Gerrymandering

     

  •  
     
     
  • %d bloggers like this: