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    satire on the campaign trail

    Republican Party Confirms George Bush Was Once President

    by | 6 | Oct 21, 2015

    George Bush - Caricature by DonkeyHotey via flickr

    The Republican Party confirmed Wednesday that George Bush was once President of the United States.

    “We’re just trying to clear the air and make it clear we’re all about transparency,” said GOP spokesman Frank Billingham. “There have been all these press reports that he was president and, rather than fan more speculation, we confirm that he was, indeed, President of the United States – but, let me emphasize, for the point of absolute clarity, it was a long, long, LOOOOOONG time ago.”

    The presidency of George Bush has been in the news lately because his brother Jeb Bush is running for president on the GOP ticket and recently had to explain how his brother George kept America “safe” even though George was in fact president at the time of the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attack that killed almost 3,000 Americans, a nuance that may have escaped the notice of  the Republican base, said GOP analysts.

    Jeb Bush has also had to explain that his brother George, who was president of the United States from 2001 to 2009 — appointed to his first term by the U.S. Supreme Court, elected the second time by voters — made a mistake when, based on “flawed” intelligence, he attacked the nation of Iraq, costing another 4,500 American lives.

    “George has become almost too much for Jeb to bear, and the rest of us clearly share his pain,” said Ted Plangent, a GOP analyst.

    The announcement, ending months of speculation on conservative social media (“George Bush was president? OMG! LOL!”), could ease tension in the JEB! campaign and allow the network of Republican news and opinion web sites to get back to denying climate change and calling for a more thorough Congressional investigation of Benghazi and Hillary Clinton’s emails.

    “I think this is one of those bold strokes of leadership Americans are looking for,” said Plangent. “The courage to call a Bush a Bush.”

    Jeb Bush said he would continue campaigning as usual and acting like George was never president or responsible for many of the problems that still beset the nation: an economy still recovering from the George Crash of 2008, and wars in the Middle East and the rise of ISIS set in motion by the ill-fated attack on Iraq.

    “Instead of looking backward, we need to be smarterer about looking forwarder,” he said.

     

    ###
    Jeffry Scott

    Jeffry Scott

    Jeffry Scott is a former staff reporter for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution where, over the course of 24 years, he covered two of the biggest trials in the city's history -- the racketeering trial of former mayor Bill Campbell, and the trial of courthouse shooter, Brian Nichols -- and wrote features on travel, food, politics, movies, TV and advertising, and covered breaking news on the metro desk. He left the paper two years ago and is living, quite happily, in St. Petersburg, Fla., as a freelance writer.

     

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    • Eileen

      Chuckled over ‘smarterer’. Now please write in similar vein about Donald Trump, an even more terrifying prospect who would offend the world, never mind America.

    • Robert Lamb

      Good piece. Evidently this desire to be President with no qualifications for the job seems to run in the family. I hope Jeb will keep us even saferrer by dropping out of the, uh, race.

    • Jeffry Scott

      Thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate that. A columnist down here in St. Pete, Daniel Ruth, comment along your lines, Robert, about the family apparent belief it has a divine right to the White House. He said the Bush family refers to it as the “Washington Cottage.” Funny. Of course Republicans can say the same thing about the Kennedy’s in terms of aspirations, and, to a lesser extent, the Clinton’s. But Jeb is clearly not the smarterer brother. The scary thing is that he has now dropped behind Rubio in the polls, and Rubio doesn’t know which shoe goes on which foot in the morning. Trump is hysterical to me in the way that he says what all the Republicans have always thought but were too dark and sneaky to say it aloud. Then they scream he’s not Republican! He is the party incarnate with bad hair.

      • David

        I look forward every morning to finding your latest essay. This one had me blowing coffee out of my nose laughing. Thank you for your postings.

    • AskGuy

      Jeffry -- Loved you in the AJC and like you even more when you take off your reporter hat and put on your Truthtelling hat!

    • Jeffry Scott

      Guy, good to hear from man. I hope all is well with you and lovely wife Patty and children. And thanks. They wouldn’t let me write much at the paper in the last years. They don’t much let anybody write, to tell the truth. A sad thing. But I’m enjoying this and working with these people. And, of course, it’s light duty! These GOP stories write themselves! And, again, thanks man.

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