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    male pattern blindness

    Quirks And Quiddities

    by | 5 | Jul 3, 2015

    Davids-Shop

    “In this intimate body of work, she uses mixed media, collage and painting to explore the demands of motherhood, preservation of memory, and repetitious patterns of thought and behavior.”

    Huh?

    I recently received this invitation and quickly decided it was probably something I don’t want to even be seen near, let alone attend. Perhaps my reluctance to go has something to do with the description. I just have no idea what the promoters are talking about. Besides, when you use “intimate body of work” to put a fence around “thought and behavior,” I get a bit light headed. Perhaps my reaction was just a quirk on my part, but even the promise of free refreshments was no incentive.

    The announcement got me thinking, though, why I kind of know from the get-go whether I’m going to like something or whether I want to venture forth and go somewhere. I’m not sure how all this works and whether I’m just getting to be more curmudgeonly as I grow older and acquire more peculiar behavioral habits or whether my own specific radar has just been a bit of my quiddity all along. I kind of suspect that it’s the latter and is part and parcel of the inherent essence of what makes me me.

    Another example of peculiar reaction also occurred this week. Since I’m not known as someone who is quick to pick a fight, I was a tad surprised by my own truculent reaction to an unimaginative neighbor who seems clueless when it comes to solving problems. When filling potholes on the gravel road that runs through our development, I noticed that the spur lane that runs up to his driveway was filled with a good deal of water from all the rain we’ve been getting. When I investigated more closely, it seemed that opening up a drainage line would be a relatively simple solution. In the end it didn’t take that much time or work to dig a small trench to drain the water. When he saw what I had done, he was amazed and thanked me profusely. He said his car thanked me, too, since he had been driving through the mud for some time.

    As I toddled up my drive, I was a bit dumbfounded and left muttering to myself why the solution wasn’t clear to him, too. But what was the point in thinking badly of him rather than just smiling while doing my neighbor a favor. Were my positively petulant thoughts—never expressed, just cartoon-bubbles for what I was thinking—just a quirk of the moment or part of my overall personality? This question left me a bit concerned about my core personality and whether I should be mending my ways.

    As a boy, my father was forever misplacing his limited number of tools and then blaming me for “hiding” them from him. These were the days before Lowes or Home Depot and few men had the power tools that are readily available today. All we had were a hammer, an assortment of screw drivers, a saw, and a “bit and brace,” a hand tool hardly ever seen today to drill holes when sweat equity rather than electricity was in great supply.

    Thanks to my father’s negative example, I developed a taste as I grew up for order and logical storage where I could find my tools, the right screws and nails, and where the sandpaper was stored. Now my workshop has an array of pegboards, bins, jars, and storage containers where everything has a home.

    I personally don’t think I’m obsessive, but at times my wife Jody just raises her eyebrow when she cautiously enters the shop in search of the right do-dad to complete her task at hand. And guess what, most of the time we can’t find it. I’ve either devised some super scheme to store things which I no longer can remember or it’s right in front of me and I can’t see it. She is patient, sometimes even calling my methods “charming.” But she has also coined the term “male pattern blindness” and sweetly says at the rate I’m going we’re going to have to trade in our pack of worthless hounds for one good service dog to aid my vision. Then she smiled and said, “And we’re not even going to talk about your hearing issues, at least not now.”

    Is this “male blindness” storage problem just a quirk on my part or just one little iota in the many folds and creases that make up my “endearing” quiddity? Simple answer, “I don’t know.”

    In the meantime, I thank my long-deceased father for instilling in me the need for a sense of order, even though I still misplace too many things. On the positive side, I believe I deserve a multitude of patents for the various storage schemes I’ve created. Now, where was I …

    ###
    • Image: the photo was provided by the author, David Evans.
    David Evans

    David Evans

    I'm retired from another life and live in the mountains of eastern West Virginia with my muse Jody along with one little and two big dogs and a diminishing pride of two cats and other critters who come along the path from time to time. I retired one morning years ago when I woke up and said, "This is the day." It was simply time to do something new with my life. I had done whatever I did long enough, and now it was time to do something else. Being independent and no longer in the reins of someone else's driver, I believe I have found something to cherish that I never had before. Retirement may be dull and boring, but that's true only if you are dull and boring. But if you’re like I was, and am, I saw a lot of things as I went along the trail that I would have liked to linger over a lot longer if I had had the time to spare. Above all, I wanted to think about what they meant and have the chance to go back over them and figure them out. I'm not abashed to say that today I lead a life of real luxury. I also recognize that I'm a lucky boy. In the words of Katherine Anne Porter: "My life has been incredible, I don't believe a word of it." I am the author of the recently published collection of essays entitled Meeting Memory In The Dark. Earlier I self-published Words To Woo Her By And Other Distractions Along The Way; Tunes of Glory: The Slow Ticking of the Heart; Cradle My Soul: Glimpses Into Other Lives; and Unscheduled Stops: Essays on Love, Loss and Other Roadside Attractions. All are available on either Amazon or Create Space, a subsidiary of Amazon. Proceeds go to the Almost Heaven Golden Retriever Rescue and Sanctuary in Capon Bridge, West Virginia.

     

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    • Will Cantrell

      David: Whew, That’s a relief. All this time I was thinking it was just me who did all this. Thanks much for writing this good, funny piece. I’m pretty sure I suffer from ‘male pattern blindness too.’ Will

    • Trevor Irvin

      Well, if you can’t bitch about your neighbors failings, (and others) there really is no reason to live. And I have a brace and bit which I still use … no need for power ‘cept a little elbow grease. Though, like you I still can’t find a damn thing in my workshop.
      Regards,
      T

    • Eileen

      I once had a husband who was quadrilingual, a whiz at math, could fix absolutely anything and kept his tools neatly enough to find them. But when he couldn’t find his glasses, pen, book or hat, he asked me. Envisaging the misplaced item I walked into each room until I found it, to his amazement and gratitude. There’s such a thing as women with ‘female pattern vision.’ Luckily you have one of those. Nice piece, David.

      • David

        You’ll give a Jody a broad smile about that “female pattern vision.” :)

    • starke

      Well David you are only one of Millions that suffer from this problem of Male Pattern Blindness!! I have had the problem most of my life and my lovely wife can vouch for the fact. The main problem it seems to get much worse with each passing year!!

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