Southern Nuts

As reported by Reuters,  Bonneau, SC police ticketed a 65 year old woman for violation of local obscenity laws earlier this month. It seems the sexagenarian’s sporting of fake (thank goodness they weren’t real) testicles from her pick-up were enough to get the constabulary’s underwear in a bundle.

According to the report, South Carolina law considers a bumper sticker, decal or device indecent when it describes, in an offensive way as determined by contemporary community standards, “sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.”

Bonneau Police Chief Franco Fuda apparently experienced significant shrinkage upon seeing the dangling bits jiggle about in the woman’s truck, unabashedly on full public display. The fine for violation of the ordinance weighs in at a pencil stiffening  $445.00.

The alleged violator, Ms. Virginia Tice, could not be reached for comment though is reported to see no harm in her fuzzy dice alternative. The Charleston law firm of Savage & Savage is taking on the case pro-bono, undoubtedly hoping for a swell of publicity.

The case is creating a stir among locals and an expansion in the sales of the rubber or plastic novelties marketed by companies variously as “Bull Nutz” and “Truck Nutz.”

In what some are calling a boner of a decision, the citation is bringing unwanted attention for the small bedroom community of Charleston.

Michael J. Solender

Michael J. Solender

Michael J. Solender is a recent corporate refugee whose opinion and satire has been featured in The Richmond Times Dispatch, The Winston-Salem Journal, and Richmond Style Weekly. He writes a weekly Neighborhoods column for The Charlotte Observer and is the City Life Editor for Charlotte ViewPoint. His micro-fiction has been featured online at Bull Men’s Fiction, Calliope Nerve, Danse Macabre, Dogzplot, Gloom Cupboard, Full of Crow, Pangur Ban Party and others.

You can find more of his work at his website and also at his blog.