Southern Politics

Albert Einstein said: “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”

Anthony Weiner, the congressperson from the 9th District of New York, proved that point and got bonus points in a stroke of world-class, compounded, Olympic-level stupidity by sending a photograph of a well-known but usually covered male organ to a woman in Seattle. He used Twitter’s private (singular but could be plural in this case) mail feature. Except that, oh my, not all private communications stay private. Someone got their digital hands on Anthony’s Playgirl audition and and the populace knows more about Anthony than they might have wanted.

Oh dear, Anthony. You see, news professionals (and, no doubt, your press secretary) understand that some stories take on a life of their own, and you can’t kill them with a stick.

When the story became public, Anthony denied everything and claimed he was hacked.

Then, in a bizarre news conference, Anthony Weiner, professional politician and amateur photographer, ‘fessed up. According to the New York Post, he said he was “sorry” over 20 times. He cried real tears and said that he would not resign his seat. As of this writing there is no word whether Mr. Weiner had consulted with the voters in his district before he said he would keep representing them. He also was (emphasis on the “was,”) a leading prospect for Mayor of New York.

It is relevant to those who think that is some value in marriage vows to know that this paragon of virtue was recently married, and my bet is she didn’t take the pictures or was Anthony sexting her.

I am old enough to have a somewhat lengthy list of stupid things that can be attributed to me or that sound like something I might have done. I feel no obligation to elaborate because I don’t want to embarrass my wife, and I am aware that there are photographs extant documenting certain frivolities, and, that while I am not running for public office, I would just as soon those photographs and other souvenirs stay out of the reach of the public.

But I can say with some certainty that Mr. Congressperson Weiner has risen far above such hypothetical endeavors as routing all of the truck traffic on US 29 through the hilly campus of LaGrange College. He sent a picture of his what?!

I have questions:

What kind of camera did he use?

Did he send the photograph as is or did he spend a few moments … uh … augmenting it in Photoshop?

Was this a daytime or nighttime photograph?

Does he still have the original?

What was the congressman on? Really now, do you personally know anyone (a) who would do this; and, (b) if so, would do it sober?

Was the congressman trying  to demonstrate to his colleagues the real meaning of constituent service?

If a colleague had dared him to send the photo to Nancy Pelosi would he have done it?

Did the congressman understand that there was a 250% chance the photos would be made public, that the truth would come out, and that his family name was going to give Leno, Letterman, Kimmel, and the others enough material for the rest of their natural lives?

Has the congressman considered legally changing his middle name to “The” because that’s what he’s going to be called anyway?

Anthony Weiner by all accounts has been an effective congressman. He is passionate about issues, and I’m sure he was hoping his home town of Brooklyn would someday erect a statue in his honor. They may yet. It would be Anthony, on his knees, pleading for forgiveness. Maybe there could be a circulating fountain so there would always be tears gushing from his eyes. And the plaque?

 

Anthony Weiner

New Yorker

Congressman

Idiot

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Mark Johnson

Mark Johnson

Mark Johnson is a professional mentalist and mind reader who presents his unique and unforgettable program to conventions, college and universities, sales meetings, private parties, business and civic clubs and more. He has also appeared at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta and produces, along with Jerry Farber and Joe M. Turner, Atlanta Magic Night at the Red Light Cafe in Midtown. He is a member of the Psychic Entertainers Association, the International Brotherhood of Magicians, the Georgia Magic Club,Buckhead Rotary Club and Friends of Jim The Wonder Dog. You can learn more at www.MarkJohnsonSpeaks.com. He is the author of three books: "Living The Dream," the story of the first ten years of FedEx; "Superman, Hairspray, and the Greatest Goat On Earth," a collection of mostly true stories;, and "Yes Ma'am, You're Right: The Essential Rules For Living With A Woman."  Mark's day job is as a freelance writer and communications and marketing consultant. Mark has traveled around the world twice but has never been to Burlington, Vermont. He does not eat beets or chicken livers, and he has never read "Gone With The Wind." He is the only person he knows who was once a card-carrying member of the International Brotherhood of Ventriloquists. He is a fifth generation Atlantan,  the father of three, and the grandfather of five. All offspring are demonstrably perfect. He lives in Smyrna with his wife Rebecca (aka The Goddess) and two dogs: Ferguson, an arrogant Scottish terrier; and, Lola, a Siberian husky who is still trying to figure out what the hell she's doing in Cobb County.