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Hot? Or Not?
My official marker of the summer heat is when you are wetter out of the pool than when you are in the pool. Such has been this summer, but I’m certain there have been other summers just as hot. Or at least that’s what I’ve heard the old-timers say.
Pappa Joe Alford was one of the oldest old-timers I’ve ever met. He was here, in the Panhandle of Florida that is, before there were roads, bridges, and even before running water and electricity. I heard him say on more than one occasion that this is the hottest summer ever, and that was in the 1970s. His cohort in crime, Horace Rogers, agreed with him most of the time, but there were occasions when they would get in to a bit of a shouting match about who remembered what correctly. Those “discussions” always ended in a draw.
I hear the same thing today from long time residents and a few “newbies” who don’t know any better. I can say with pretty good accuracy that it had indeed been a hot summer. As to whether it is the hottest summer ever, well, I tend to leave the record keeping to those best suited for the task, meaning, those who give a damn about the details. Details don’t matter when you are dripping wet before you get in to the shower.
I know that people all over the country are crying it’s hot, but you haven’t experienced hot until you’ve been hot in the South. There is something about temperatures over 100 and humidity over 100. Put them together and southern hospitality is put to a true test. When you walk outside at 4 in the morning and feel like you’ve been hit by a wet mop, well, that’s hot to me. But how do we really know when it’s hot?
The old-timers use things such as insects, trees, and the wind to determine just how hot this current heat spell is in comparison with other heat spells of the past. All over the South, people use different ways to measure the heat. Here are my top 10 ways to tell if it’s really hot in the South.
1) The calories are burned out of the food before you eat it.
2) You take a shower to dry off.
3) The water in your swimming pool is simmering and you are using blocks of ice the size of a mini-van to cool the water off just so you can tolerate it.
4) The plants on your porch have sent you notes asking for a continuous sprinkler system.
5) Your garden hose has melted leaving a puddle of gooey rubber in your yard.
6) Sun tea can be made before the sun rises.
7) You can only retrieve your mail from the box between midnight and 3 a.m., otherwise you get blisters on your fingers.
8) Your grill does not require charcoal for cooking. You simply place the items on the grill and leave the cover open.
9) Fish are begging to be caught and fried just so they can cool down.
10) Hoot owls no longer say hoot all night long. They are now screaming “hot as hell” all night and all day.
So if you think it’s hot where you are, I invite down south for a bit. I think you’ll change your mind as to what is really hot.
From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2010 All Rights Reserved
Wanda Argersinger
A writer, humorist, and motivational speaker, Wanda Argersinger was born with a purse in one hand and lipstick in the other. She wrote her first story in 2nd grade using all of her spelling words, which brought the attention to her of the school counselors suggesting she get counseling. An excerpt from this story: “…mice who drink too
much and party all night long….”
As Executive Director for The Lupus Support Network, Wanda is an advocate for all Lupus patients, working diligently as a member of the Statewide Coalition for the State of Florida Department of Health Arthritis Prevention and Education Program. She facilitates support groups in the Florida Panhandle and Southern Alabama and trains new facilitators to educate and counsel patients, plans and researches topics to be discussed at meetings.
As a published author, Wanda has wrote the book currently being used in The Lupus Support Network SLESH (Systemic Lupus Erythematosus Self Help) classes, written and published a number of pamphlets on various aspects of Lupus currently being used for informational purposes at The Lupus Support Network, and My Personal Health Journal, a book sold for a patient’s use in recording and maintaining vital health information. This book is sold nationwide and all profits go to The Lupus Support Network. Most recently Wanda has written Y-Mee’s A-B-C Book of Emotiions and created a doll that accompanies the book, which can be purchased from l-bowonline.com or Lulu.com.
She has also been featured in Featured in MD News Magazine, Lupus Now Magazine, Ladies in Business, the Pensacola News Journal, and the Tallahassee Democrat.
As a motivational speaker, and educator in the area of Lupus health, Wanda has been a speaker for the State of Florida Department of Health, Unlocking the Mysteries of Lupus, among numerous other organizations in Florida and South Alabama.
Wanda has been on a number of local radio talk shows with several call-in shows, and guests on many television programs.
Wanda is constantly working and actively involved in the Lupus Research Institutes National Coalition (advocating for Lupus Patients, research funding, and legislative change), as an Associate Member of the American Academy of Rheumatology, a Member of The American Chronic Pain Association, and a Member of the National Fibromyalgia Association, a Member of the National Society of Newspaper columnists, and a member of the National Association of Professional Women.
Wanda has been published in other publications including The Legend, a monthly column entitled “The Write Site,” spotlighting websites that are of interest to writers), Poetic Voices, June 1999, Emerald Coast Review, a short story and poem, and the Gulf Breeze News, as a guest columnist.
Her achievements and awards are numerous.
Currently, Wanda is busy developing her own line of greeting cards along with 2 more books and a board game for patients with Chronic Illness. This amazing woman, with Lupus SLE herself, is the Energizer Bunny come to life, with no need of any batteries! She will keep on giving until she falls over from the weight of her purse while wearing a great hot pink lipstick!- Web |
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