Sarah Palin as William ShakespeareNormal English:
Main Entry: re·pu·di·ate
Pronunciation: ri-ˈpyü-dē-ˌāt
Function: transitive verb / Inflected Form(s): re·pu·di·at·ed; re·pu·di·at·ing

Etymology: Latin from repudium rejection of a prospective spouse, divorce

1: to divorce or separate formally from (a woman)
2: to refuse to have anything to do with : disown
3 a: to refuse to accept; especially : to reject as unauthorized or as having no binding force
4: to refuse to acknowledge or pay <repudiate a debt

Sarahisan Speak:
Main Entry: re·fu·di·ate
Pronunciation: ri-ˈfyü-dē-ˌāt
Function: unknown verb / Inflected Form(s): re·fu·di·a·fied; re·fu·di·at·ion; re·fud·a·licious

Etymology: Latin refudiageous, an outrageous form of rejectifying and discomformulating the English language, the inability to gradumacate from high school.

1: to divorce or separate formally from one’s intellect
2: to eat twice – “we were so hungry we had to refoodiate.”
3: to make up shit and babble nonsense

Far be it from me to criticize Willy Shakespeare and his protégé Sarah Palin. Ol’ Billy pushed the boundaries of literature and we’re better for it. Now, thank goodness Sarah will do the same. Just as her daughter has re-defined abstinence before marriage as “I can do it, but you’re a slut”. I have misuderestimed Sarah, who has redesignafied herself into a wordsmith to add depth and feeling to our needlessly boring language.

So, I thought I would create a few new words to bring about a more worldly and insightful national conversation in America today. Their use will help to explainify things. Please feel free to use them habfitually.

Mash·ify – to blend together – “a bipartisan bill is created by mashfying earmarks together”

Rectum·fy – To fix something by removing your head from your ass

Bar·co·lepsy – When you fall asleep repeatedly while drinking

Mar·gin·atory – When something doesn’t matter too much – “facts are marginatory”

In·cur·sion – An invasive procedure performed on a sled dog by a musher

Ass·tronomy – Looking at a politician from a great distance

Ab·surd·ium – A ridiculously tedious argument

Idiotm – a style of speech or an expression used by imbeciles

Re·dup·licate – Endlessly repeating that lowering taxes more will solve the problem that you made by lowering taxes in the first place

Ex·uber·phant – A really happy elephant

Flum·durf – A very confused individual or member of the Tea Party

E·rupt·shunned – to spurn a person with bad flatulence

E·fem·eral – A girl you only know a short time

Exercise Tax – Money you have to give to the YMCA every month

Cellu·tight – When your fat ass no longer fits in your pants – See article on Spanx

Cadavering – Walking through an old folks home looking for votes

Mal·appor·tioned – When your dress or pants don’t fit right

Habeas Corpulent – The law can’t hold you because you’ve gotten too large

Ha·fit·ually – The constant throwing of hissy fits on the floor of Congress

Mala·proper·ism – Correct misuse of a word that you confused with similar sounding misused word (Sarah can explainify this better than I can)

Loo·cid – When you know exactly where the bathroom is, even while heavily intoxicated

Luci·purr – A satanic cat … like Mr. Bigglesworth

Lubribraking – when you are caught greasing the wheels of Congress and have to stop

Ex·pant·sive – When you have to purchase relaxed-fit slacks

Po·lit·icate – To muse on political theory

Magni·bigga·fication – To make a small, fictional problem large –“Gay marriage has been magnibiggafied”

Slur·by – A walk by cursing made popular by Dick Cheney

Ma·cheese·mo – A manly, but disturbing, attraction to cheese and dairy products

In·gra·ti·lewd – Not appreciative of dirty jokes or scantily dressed women (most Senators and Congressmen don’t have this problem)

Bi·fart·isan Bill – both parties agreeing to a really bad smelling bill

In·e·bri·sta·ted – An opinion voiced repeatedly when plastered

Bi·smarter·than – When you are the smarter of two people

So, people, in your daily travelations, please try to use more exactitution and verbacity in your daily conversaciums, as to prevent more disruptivation in our national tête-à-tête. We’ll all be better for it.

###
Trevor Stone Irvin

Trevor Stone Irvin

Illustrator and Designer living in the Candler Park area...At one time I worked at the Atlanta Constitution and then for CNN at the startup...it all seemed too much like real work so I went freelance...which my father defined as "being unemployed for a real long time".