We are non-commercial, all volunteer and supported by our readers. Please help sustain the Dew by making a donation.
Islands in the stream
Proceedings of the House Sub-Committee on Relocation and Allocation of Personnel Resources Subject to Allocation and Relocation Guidelines.
CHAIRMAN: The House Committee on Relocation and Allocation of Personnel Resources Subject to Allocation and Relocation Guidelines will come to order. Mr. Gingko you may proceed.
GINGKO: Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Mr. Wingle, you are the Director of Human Asset Relocation for the State Department.
WINGLE: That is correct.
GINGKO: And you are in charge of human asset relocation, correct?
WINGLE: Well … sure.
GINGKO: And what does your job involve?
WINGLE: Making sure our many embassies, consulates and economic missions and task forces are properly staffed.
GINGKO: With people?
WINGLE: Yes, people.
GINGKO: No animals?
WINGLE: Not to my knowledge.
WINGLE: Yes, we are establishing an agricultural trade center.
GINGKO: What kind of agriculture, Mr. Wingle?
WINGLE: We’re going to help the Greek government expand the production of olives and fruit.
GINGKO: I wasn’t aware that olives were an agricultural product. I always thought they came in the little bottles you buy at Publix.
WINGLE: You have to grow the olives before they can be put into the bottles.
GINGKO: What variety of olive has the little red thingies in them?
WINGLE: I’m not quite sure how to answer that.
GINGKO: Don’t worry, you can’t be expected to know everything. That’s what Congress is for.
WINGLE: That’s a relief.
GINGKO: Now, this island of Patmos, it belongs to Greece, correct?
GINGKO: Why is that?
WINGLE: Why is what?
GINGKO: Why does Patmos belong to Greece instead of, say, South Carolina?
WINGLE: South Carolina isn’t a sovereign nation.
GINGKO: Really? I didn’t know that.
WINGLE: Life is full of surprises.
GINGKO: You noticed that too?
WINGLE: There are unexpected surprises at every turn.
GINGKO: I understand Patmos is where John the Apostle wrote the Book of Revelations .
WINGLE: That’s what they say.
GINGKO: Who are they?
WINGLE: A lot of people.
GINGKO: Have you met John yet?
WINGLE: John … ?
GINGKO: John the Apostle.
WINGLE: No … uh … you know, Mr. Gingko, the Book of Revelations was written over nineteen hundred years …. forget it. No, I have not met him.
GINGKO: Please tell him I said hello.
GINGKO: Living on Patmos probably will be scary.
GINGKO: Yeah. Patmos isn’t very big and if you get too many people on it the whole island will sink.
GINGKO: I owned a nine-foot motor yacht once and those things can go right to the bottom.
WINGLE: I …..
GINGKO: I don’t care how carefully you anchor a boat, or a raft or a small island, they WILL sink. And that’s a fact.
WINGLE: Mr. Gingko …
GINGKO: Yes sir, those little patches of land will tip right on over and disappear into the brine.
WINGLE: Mr. Gingko …
GINGKO: Right on down to the bottom of the deep blue sea. Splash, splash.
WINGLE: Excuse me …
WINGLE: Islands are the tops of mountains sticking up out of the water.
GINGKO: Nah … you’re making that up, right? You’re saying if you put a couple of hundred additional people and animals on Patmos, the island won’t get overloaded and sink, and every man, woman, child, poodle and goldfish won’t get eaten by sea monsters?
WINGLE: That’s correct. Everybody lives.
GINGKO: You wouldn’t kid me would you?
WINGLE: Wouldn’t dream of it.
GINGKO: Islands don’t float. Wow. Sure changes my thinking. Well thank the Lord! I was so worried!
WINGLE: I’m sure you’ll sleep better.
GINGKO: This has been a fascinating discussion.
WINGLE: You have no idea.
GINGKO: That’s all I have, Mr. Chairman. But Mr. Wingle I’d like a moment of your time after the hearings. I have some more olive questions.
Worthy of Comment
Also on the Dew
No one in his right damn mind pays “you’ve gotta be kiddin’ me” prices to see a movie -- even if it is an advance showing of a major motion picture. I’m willing today because this little excursion is part of my scheme to throw some serious ‘shade’ –- and some serious ‘cool’ --on a despicably hot summer day. I’ve come to the mall multiplex to match wits with Tom Cruise, to see if I can keep up with the on-screen goings-on in the latest installment of Mission Impossible. Just within the mall, but outside the cinema, the conditioned air smells of popcorn and pastry Read on →
Many people say that English is the hardest language to understand because so many words can mean different things and we often need a sentence to explain one word in another language. For example, in the US it is quite common for people to publicly “root for the team.” In other English-speaking countries if you are caught doing that you will be arrested. In Australia to call someone “an old bastard” is a term of endearment. But in some other English-speaking countries it could be the first few words in an argument or the last words before a fight. In the US Read on →
The outcome of Christie's recent auction of General Robert E. Lee's precious navel lint left even the most jaded “Lost Cause” memorabilia mavens gobsmacked and whistling Dixie. Not to mention afflicting many frustrated, heart-broken losing bidders with a temporary paralysis that baffled emergency physicians compared to the old-timey Southern Belle "vapors." This dream-crushing auction loss brutalized their very star and barred souls. The awestruck winner of General Lee’s coveted navel detritus, said that he did not consider himself to be the “owner” of the singular holy Rebel artifact; only its humble and devoted caretaker until the treasure is passed on to the next wors Read on →
We’ve been down to two cats now, Sophie and Dolly, for over two years. The last two lads, Tucker and Sneezer, took their leave a couple of summers ago, one otherwise healthy gentleman on the operating table to have his teeth cleaned and the other a poor devil who had suffered far too long from a debilitating disease. Now we have two aging dowagers who think they’re still debutantes. They barely tolerate one another, however, and share a porch space during the day as though they’re on opposite sides negotiating a treaty with Iran. Feline peace is not easy to maint Read on →