Proceedings of the House Sub-Committee on Relocation and Allocation of Personnel Resources Subject to Allocation and Relocation Guidelines.
CHAIRMAN: The House Committee on Relocation and Allocation of Personnel Resources Subject to Allocation and Relocation Guidelines will come to order. Mr. Gingko you may proceed.
GINGKO: Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Mr. Wingle, you are the Director of Human Asset Relocation for the State Department.
WINGLE: That is correct.
GINGKO: And you are in charge of human asset relocation, correct?
WINGLE: Well … sure.
GINGKO: And what does your job involve?
WINGLE: Making sure our many embassies, consulates and economic missions and task forces are properly staffed.
GINGKO: With people?
WINGLE: Yes, people.
GINGKO: No animals?
WINGLE: Not to my knowledge.
WINGLE: Yes, we are establishing an agricultural trade center.
GINGKO: What kind of agriculture, Mr. Wingle?
WINGLE: We’re going to help the Greek government expand the production of olives and fruit.
GINGKO: I wasn’t aware that olives were an agricultural product. I always thought they came in the little bottles you buy at Publix.
WINGLE: You have to grow the olives before they can be put into the bottles.
GINGKO: What variety of olive has the little red thingies in them?
WINGLE: I’m not quite sure how to answer that.
GINGKO: Don’t worry, you can’t be expected to know everything. That’s what Congress is for.
WINGLE: That’s a relief.
GINGKO: Now, this island of Patmos, it belongs to Greece, correct?
GINGKO: Why is that?
WINGLE: Why is what?
GINGKO: Why does Patmos belong to Greece instead of, say, South Carolina?
WINGLE: South Carolina isn’t a sovereign nation.
GINGKO: Really? I didn’t know that.
WINGLE: Life is full of surprises.
GINGKO: You noticed that too?
WINGLE: There are unexpected surprises at every turn.
GINGKO: I understand Patmos is where John the Apostle wrote the Book of Revelations .
WINGLE: That’s what they say.
GINGKO: Who are they?
WINGLE: A lot of people.
GINGKO: Have you met John yet?
WINGLE: John … ?
GINGKO: John the Apostle.
WINGLE: No … uh … you know, Mr. Gingko, the Book of Revelations was written over nineteen hundred years …. forget it. No, I have not met him.
GINGKO: Please tell him I said hello.
GINGKO: Living on Patmos probably will be scary.
GINGKO: Yeah. Patmos isn’t very big and if you get too many people on it the whole island will sink.
GINGKO: I owned a nine-foot motor yacht once and those things can go right to the bottom.
WINGLE: I …..
GINGKO: I don’t care how carefully you anchor a boat, or a raft or a small island, they WILL sink. And that’s a fact.
WINGLE: Mr. Gingko …
GINGKO: Yes sir, those little patches of land will tip right on over and disappear into the brine.
WINGLE: Mr. Gingko …
GINGKO: Right on down to the bottom of the deep blue sea. Splash, splash.
WINGLE: Excuse me …
WINGLE: Islands are the tops of mountains sticking up out of the water.
GINGKO: Nah … you’re making that up, right? You’re saying if you put a couple of hundred additional people and animals on Patmos, the island won’t get overloaded and sink, and every man, woman, child, poodle and goldfish won’t get eaten by sea monsters?
WINGLE: That’s correct. Everybody lives.
GINGKO: You wouldn’t kid me would you?
WINGLE: Wouldn’t dream of it.
GINGKO: Islands don’t float. Wow. Sure changes my thinking. Well thank the Lord! I was so worried!
WINGLE: I’m sure you’ll sleep better.
GINGKO: This has been a fascinating discussion.
WINGLE: You have no idea.
GINGKO: That’s all I have, Mr. Chairman. But Mr. Wingle I’d like a moment of your time after the hearings. I have some more olive questions.