LikeTheDew.com

As state legislatures reconvene, the annual search for a cause we can all believe in renews. One of the most likely subjects is Texting While Driving.

Opposing texting drivers is an ideal political position. Everybody is against it. Everyone knows someone who does it. It is widely believed that teenagers, evil offspring and non-voters that they are, are the most likely texting suspects.

Even those who admit texting while driving know, in their hearts, that they are wrong. that the practice is dangerous, and that they need to stop.

But Piney Woods Pete happened upon a more insidious evil yesterday – texting while peeing.

I walked into the flat woods McDonald’s to check the facilities and there he stood at the urinal, hanging out, both thumbs engaged on his Blackberry keyboard.

Friends, I went about my business at a nearby porcelain unit. I carefully washed my hands and moved to the automatic hand dryer.

Another patron entered the room and went through the drill. Still the texter hung at his urinal, engaged with his keyboard.

Probably writing a letter to his state senator urging draconian measures against texting while driving.

1. C Smith says:

   January 13, 2010 at 6:45 pm

   Cuz, I’m a little worried about you carrying a camara into a bathroom.

   Reply
2. eugenia woods says:

   January 14, 2010 at 12:15 am

   outrageous… this activity has to be put to an end! i’m calling Johnny Grant tomorrow…

   Reply
3. Michael Garbutt says:

   January 14, 2010 at 5:18 pm

   I”m not quite older than dirt but I wish everyone’s phone batteries would die for about 24 hours. It would be interesting to see what they would do with their fingers or ears.
   On the other hand, perhaps not.

   Reply
4. Tom Poland says:

   January 14, 2010 at 5:24 pm

   Perhaps fashion designers can create zippers that automatically close—with speed and certainty—thereby cutting this heinous practice short.

   Reply
5. C Smith says:

   January 14, 2010 at 7:09 pm

   Yeoooww TOM! Your masochistic tendencies are showing!

   Reply
6. Pete Woods says:

   January 14, 2010 at 7:32 pm

   That zipper thing might nip this problem in the bud, as Barney Fife used to say. The water flow at public lavatories cuts off automatically these days, as does the air flow at the electric hand dryer. Self-zipping pants could solve a great number of difficulties men get themselves into.
   And, C Smith, please note that I didn’t take that photo. The guy I saw had both hands on his Blackberry.

   Reply
7. C Smith says:

   January 14, 2010 at 8:21 pm

   Ah- you know how us dumb rednecks are when we try to be funny or use big words (sorry Tom).
   The thought of a lady hovering over a public toilet holding a skirt and texting doesn’t make for a pretty picture either.

   Reply
8. John Dee says:

   January 16, 2010 at 11:54 am

   Let’s see if we can keep this “going.” There simply must be a term for these individuals. “A guy texting while peeing…” is just too cumbersome, requires way too many keystrokes. I propose “peckster.” Charlie?

   Reply
9. C Smith says:

   January 16, 2010 at 12:41 pm

   John not sure about the question but if I understand what you are asking “squatster” comes to mind.

   Reply
10. John Dee says:

    January 16, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    A good chance to explore ironic humor shot straight to hell. Pete, the next time you run into your cuz down at Captain Joe’s, please explain it to him. I’m done here.

    Reply
11. C Smith says:

    January 16, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    Guess I’ll go around ignorant to the cause. Pete and I don’t run into each other. An e-mail is a welcome supprise. Probably be a funeral before I get enlighten.

    Reply
12. C Smith says:

    January 18, 2010 at 7:45 am

    Since I’ve seemed to alienate all here and don’t even own a cell phone I see no reason to stop now. While enlightening me Pete explain this reference to a “little old lady” you texters keep refering to.

    One more thing if I was in line behind one of these idiots he would probably end up texting with his hemorrhoids especially if I was barefooted!

    Reply