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It seems that the airlines are going to tack on an extra fee for trips taken around Christmas and Memorial Day. As someone who travels a lot and whose primary concern has always been airline profitability, I’m glad to see such a move.

Many of us were heartened when the carriers wised up and began charging for checked baggage. This falls into that important category for “things passengers have to do anyway so why not charge them?” Many innovative airlines have already instituted necessary charges for pillows and blankets, whose sales will double when the air conditioning is turned down. And did you see where, for a small fee, you can have a window seat? Four kids who all want to sit by the window must be a bonanza.

As a concerned traveler who never balks at smaller seats and cheap headsets, I believe there are more areas that are small profit centers, and I offer the following as a public service to our friends who are ready when we are to fly the friendly skies.

$5 for a seat in the waiting area.

$2 for the flight attendant to smile at you. An extra $1 for a verbal greeting.

$6 for the pilot to look competent. Another $1 for a uniform.

$2 to be able to get past the beverage cart in the aisle when you have to go to the restroom.

$7 not to sit next to somebody who snores.

$5 not to sit next to somebody reading a romance novel who wants to tell you about it.

$4 not to have to sit next to someone with a small dog or a musical instrument larger than a flute.

$20 not to have to deal in any way with an unescorted 8 year-old.

$15 to sit at least 8 rows from any child under 3.

$1 for a soft drink in a cup larger than a thimble.

$8 to be able to exit the airplane in under 20 minutes.

It will be a heavy financial load for some passengers to be sure, and there is always the possibility that some carrier will undercut their buddies by not charging for stale turkey sandwiches. But we must focus on priorities and never forget that the passenger’s role is as a mere servant to the airlines’ success.

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