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By now the troubles of Governor Mark Sanford (R-S.C.), are well documented.  He is a man who betrayed his marital vows, and strayed countless times with his professed “soul-mate.”  He is a man who abrogated his responsibilities at the South Carolina statehouse, to travel to Latin America to be with his mistress, against the wishes of his wife.  He is a man who was out of touch for five days, as state business went on without him, and questions began swirling.  I initially wrote about this story on June 22nd.  At the time, my reaction was that of an avowed follower of politics, and worried human being.  I was concerned for his well-being, and concerned about the state of the family.  As the days went on, and the questions about whether or not he was “hiking” continued, it became apparent that there was more to this story, than just Stanford embarking upon a sabbatical to blow off steam.

A man strays sometimes.  Sometimes we commit infidelities.  In the minds of some men, it’s unavoidable.  Oftentimes, it is the sad choice that we make to “re-affirm” our manhood.  It is regrettable to think that, in that one moment of weakness, you are foregoing everything and everyone that ever gave you the strength to become what you are — for a dalliance that satisfies your basest desires.  You risk losing a life of love.  Love supported by years of pain, laughs, heartbreaks, lust, and joy.  In an instant, every fiber is transformed from loving husband and father, supportive boyfriend and fiance, to crestfallen heel and liar.  You are outside of the glass looking in, while your very slow demise is chronicled before a salivating public.  It is very sad.

Governor Sanford said that he found his soul-mate in Argentina.  We seldom find our soul-mates, in Argentina or anywhere else.  While I cannot begrudge a man for finding something rare that would complete his circle, his commitment to his wife and family take precedence over his own desires.  That is the way it’s supposed to be.  Had he talked to his wife to explain his circumstance, perhaps it would have been more palatable to her.  It would not absolve his guilt, or assuage her anger and pain, but it would have been the right thing to do.  Of course being human beings, we don’t always do what is right for ourselves or for others.  Maybe he felt he must seize the opportunity to be with the one he truly loved, before he lost what he might never find again.  Who can say?  Is this what countless other men and women go through when they decide to walk a crooked path?  We’ll never truly know, and that is the saddest, most difficult, part to explain.

I wish the Sanford family well in perhaps the most trying time they will ever face.  Now more than ever, they need to be united and deal with this in as private a manner as possible.  Unfortunately, they are in the media crucible, and every minute detail will be explored and analyzed.  Make no mistake here.  Governor Sanford is to blame for this mess.  He caused the circus, and his family is now part of the sideshow.  For that he should pay a price.  His weakness is real, and  he gave in to something that the rest of us struggle with daily:  our human frailty.  Perhaps this will make him stronger and less judgmental.  Perhaps this will bring him closer to his God.   Maybe Governor Sanford will inadvertently help us all.   We should all take his broken example and hold fast to our inner strengths, to mask our outer weaknesses.

1. George says:

   September 2, 2009 at 8:41 am

   If you don’t mind, I won’t depend on the good Governor to help me with anything. I had counted on him to follow the lead of the distinguished former Governor from NY Elliot Spitzer and resign in shame and face the music. My perception is that he is trying to turn himself into some sort of tragic victim.

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2. matthew wright says:

   September 2, 2009 at 3:20 pm

   George,

   I would have thought he might have resigned too, if for nothing else but to repair the damage to his family. Some people have more important priorities I suppose.

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3. Bill Starr says:

   September 2, 2009 at 3:27 pm

   G;ad it left you reflective, I suppose. Too bad it didn’t seem to leave the governor reflective except on his own desires. If he cared at all about the people he represents, he would have resigned as gracefully and quickly as he could and set himself to either repairing the rift with his own family or leaving them to deal with his own needs.

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4. Michael says:

   September 2, 2009 at 7:38 pm

   I find the entire saga tragic. And though as a human, I can empathize with the Mrs. Sanford and the family, I don’t find much to admire in Gov. Sanford. Especially in light of all his past activities on behalf of the Religious Right which to repeat as a trite phrase is neither.
   Yes, it is very hard to resist a strong attraction but that’s what vows mean. And, yes, this has been occuring since humans have been on earth. But a marriage is a little more than simple lust for some ’strange’ if you’ll pardon the analogy. It’s shared love, memories, children, relatives and friends as well as a standard for those in public service. And as I recall too, the Governor was an extremely vocal proponent for Bill Clinton’s impeachment. Guess that’s bit him in the ass.
   But I’ll close with this old adage: ” There’s so much bad in the best of us and so much good in the worst of us, that it behooves all of us not to talk about the rest of us”.

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5. Myra Blackmon says:

   September 3, 2009 at 7:29 pm

   Our fascination with the situation is almost as tragic as the problem itself. In no way do I mean this to exonerate, support or absolve Sanford of his responsibilities for doing wrong. However, we really have no clue about what is going on in someone else’s marriaage. Even those of our closes friends and family. I learned that from a still-painful personal experience more than 25 years ago. Maybe someday I’ll be able to write about it.

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